SML RULES

2009-12-30T10:14:00.002+08:00

3.15pm AVATAR 3D show at GV Marina

Price: FREE*

Whr to find it: Ben 10

How to get it: Anyhow, u can henshin n challenge Ben 10 to a dual, or u can simply steal his omimatrix, or u can steal e ticket from him, or u can hire Ninja Assassin for 100pounds of gold to steal from Ben etc etc..

How to use e ticket: U WIL NEED E FOLLOWING ITEM:
1) time travelling machine
2) key to e time travelling machine
3) one dollar coin to operate e time travelling machine
4) two dollar coin to buy e special one dollar coin to operate e time travelling machine
5) three dollar coin to trade for e two dollar coin (99.99% tax applied)
6) hammer to break e piggy bank containing e 3 dollar coin
7) anything u deem important....

*does not include cost of finding e ticket and travelling to e cinema etc etc

Class Vid ReUpload

2009-10-27T00:58:00.006+08:00

my 2nd post! xP
hahaha~ anw this is the same vid with diff audio cus the original's audio got disabled >.<

ooh! the music playlist is from mixpod~
account and password is the same xD

2009-06-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

1st case of swine flu being cured in SML Land!!!

Apparently, the patient cured is also the 1st death. Yes yes, using ultra secret and high tech SML technology, we manage to cure the ang moh noob boy that look like liktak. The process will now be made known to the world so that more people can benefit from the technology, this is to prevent a market failure due to externalities.

1st, we allow the patient to die. Yes DIE DIE DIE. This can be achieved in many many ways, such as neglecting the patient so that he die from the virus. Or we can accelerate the process, just call in the ninja monkeys and donkeys and hockeys... They will get the job done.

Next, we use a piece of super outdated technology called the reviver. As the virus dies off with the person infected, the body is free of the virus. Thus, by using the reviver, we can revive the dead person and not the virus. The end result is the person being cured of the virus!!

As such, we need to die to leave again!!!

Currently, al the super powers around the world are looking to buy the reviver from SML Land. (increase in export, increase in AD, increase in economic growth for us). As such, countries like the Upper Stars of Apples (USA) and other big conutries have decided to hand over presidency of their countries for the reviver. SML Land now rightfully control 99.999999% of the world (the rest belong to FashionLand).

BTW, terminator salvation is abit of a let down.. there will probably be another episode coming up..

ek flu

2009-05-04T01:34:00.004+08:00

IMPORTANT NEWS!!

A new wave of virus is hitting SML-land! Currently, there are 555 cases of the flu in SMLland and 1death

Ang moh noob boy that looks like noob boy that looks like lik tak died of the virus at 5.55pm yesterday evening in sml general hospital. RVHS(where the boy studied) has thus been ordered to close for 1year or until a cure for swine flu is found, whichever longer.

The Flu which is believed to be a mutation of the virus found in EK has caused chaos in sml land. Citizens are advised to stay calm and practise proper hygiene during this crisis. Meanwhile the sml board of committees is hiring a group of ninja monkeys to 'dispose' of' EK. In order for it to be successful, plans will not be revealed until they are carried out

Scientists are also working around the clock to create a vaccine for the virus with the help of Clifton Soh and the 'retired' lailai from lailai xiao fan. Citizens are encouraged to volunteer to try the prototypes. there are currently 6 new vaccines under testing.

1) injecting poison into the body to kill the virus

2)injecting more virus into the body to kill the virus

3) injecting HIV into the body just to see what happens

4)water....-.-

5) injecting fashionable dna into the body.....(it might not destroy the virus..but u might be more fashionable!) =D

6) Killing yourself to kill the virus

volunteers can sign up via the hotline 555-555-5555

once again, sml urge citizens not to panic.

More updates will be up shortly(i hope)

2009-04-16T22:02:00.002+08:00

TO PREVENT SML TIMES ONLINE FROM BECOMING A DEAD BLOG AGAIN, I HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO COME UP WITH THIS PIECE OF OUTDATED NEWS......

In memories for all PW groups of 2008:
Congrat to all those who got A

To those who got B, cheer up.. its not the end of the world.. PW not tt impt too

For Cs, hmmm its a pity, but as i say, pw not too impt

For Ds... hai....

For Es.. is there such a grade?

For S and U.. erm............

anw i change specs, now its cockroach colour.. lol

2009-03-06T21:38:00.002+08:00

THE GCE A LEVEL RESULTS HAVE FINALLY COME OUT!!

Whatever grades you may have received, SML Land would like to wish all those who took their A levels in 2008 good luck for their future endeavours in the future for their future.

Lets have a look on how different ppl view their results:

If you are really pro pro pro:
A: Average
B: Could have been Better
C: Catastrophic
D: Die
E: Erm...
F: For some reason im still alive
U: call me an UnderTaker

If you are really average:
A: Wow, A leh!!!
B: Better than nothing!
C: Common
D: It me, Duh!!
E: Could have been worsE
F: Fine, i din do too well, but wads wrong with tt?
U: Uh....

If you are... well... wadeva
A: Heck!
B: Heck!
C: Heck!
D: Heck!
E: do i hav to repeat myself? HECK
F: im going to spell it very clearly... H-E-C-K
U: i refuse to answer those who do not understand the meaning of HECK!

But we wish to remind everyone
keep on the sunny side of life!! Its not the end yet... though u screw up means u screw up ur life quite badly...

Also, if you happen to be looking for jobs, do see through some below!

1) Secret ninja academies train the planet's future protectors. Join Power Ranger Ninja Storm

2) Love magic? The Mystic Force is definitely for you

3) Have you been attacked by monsters recently and have you heart vapourised yet live to tell the tale? SMART Brain is looking for you. Join us and fight along side Kamen Rider 555!

4) Ever beaten an undead? BOARD is looking for you. The fifth rider system is ready. After spade, hearts, diamond and club, we have the Star shape!

5) Call to the beast inside, unleash your inner animal spirit (and do well for econs), join Power Ranger Jungle Fury!!

6) Our world is in danger as it is on the verge of colliding with 9 other worlds of the previous seasons of kamen riders. Defend your world as Kamen Rider DECADE!!

7) HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: join SML Times as a reporter, editor, super member or anything you want to.. Simply sms jingwei for more detail!!

8) The science centre is calling for E=MC2 trooper recriuts. If you are interested, please approach the SCIENCE CENTRE in JURONG EAST!!

9) Want to play a part in your society? Want to help make SML Land a better place? The SML Rangers is recruiting for one more ranger-- The Silver SML Ranger!!! Interested? Please look for us by attacking the city.

10) The SPD, not space partol delta, but SML Police Department is too reruiting!! Do come join us if you believe in helping the SML Rangers to make this world a better place. Fight Provety and Enviroment Destruction with us!!

Best wishes

2009-02-14T21:38:00.002+08:00

Do u have to spend V day alone?
Hope to hav someone to accompany you?
Dun wan to mug whole day?

Nope its not a dream.

Cos with the SML dating service, you can hire a date for V day!!

List of Dates available:
1) Teddy Bear
2) Ryan Titanum Ranger
3) Mask rider 555
4) Lai Lai
5) Clifton
6) Lai Lai and Clifton
7) Teo Beng Beng
8) L2M Sister
9) Deaf and gullible Aunty
10) Chng
11) Monica Chng
12) (highly recommended) Fashion hero (for fashionable ppl onli)

Prices at $100 each, if you buy one, we will give you -1 more for free!!
Buy two get -2 more for free
Buy n get -n more for free, where n is a positive real number

For more information, pls call Mr Tan Tay at 99-95-59-13!!!

2009-02-13T07:49:00.004+08:00

are YOU trying to find the perfect/unique/special gift for your significant other?
are YOU running out of ideas for valentine?
are YOU a cheapo?
are YOU desperate?

if YES, SML CAN HELP YOU for the upcoming valentine!

Researchers from penguin university have came up with a list of gifts that might just WOW ur partner and WE are taking the initiative to bring those products/services to you at a cost of only $10....too good to be true? noway! Hurry and order while stocks last!!

Gifts we offer:

1) 鸭饭加饭加鸡蛋 coupon
2)鸡饭不要饭 coupon
3)鸡饭不要鸡 coupon
4)跟他一样 coupon (only applicable if there is someone before u redeeming in the queue)
5) a deck of cards (works on gambling addicts like tattoo mole =D)
6) fake $5 bills
7) real diamond ring made of fake glass in a real glass factory that imports fake glass from a country which exports fake diamonds
8) a long lost textbook containing all of charlie's mis-pronounced words
9)two air tickets for a honeymoon around the world! (expires on 1st jan 2009)
10)a time machine that allows you to travel back/forward in time!!! (maximum time travel of 1 second)

services we provide:

1)A fake spanish dude playing and singing romantic songs while you are on your date for $50 song list: shut up!, in the end, don't lie, it's my life, shut up and drive, so what!
note: due to limited song list, fake spanish guy might repeat songs over and over again. BUT rest assured, your money will be worth it as he will sing wherever u go(even when u have to take leak)

2)Decoration crew: This crew will help decorate the venue which u will be having your date, all for $20. As we have alot of leftover decorations from 2008's halloween, we will be decorating your venue with black cloth, fake spiderwebs, carved pumpkins, fake bats etc.

venues we suggest for your dates:

1)2 malan road
2)under the overhead bridge opposite punggol park (damn romantic)
3)library

for more information, call 1800-555-IWANT2DIE

Fashion Hero: First Step to Being Famous

2009-02-12T21:02:00.004+08:00

Fashion Hero: First Step to Becoming Famous

Did u miss the episode of campus superstar on 9/2/09 n thus miss the chance to see our famous fashion hero on national TV? Fear not
Heres the chance to watch it on youtube!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfpWNiFzrfI&feature=channel_page

2009-02-07T15:56:00.002+08:00

OMG! i got in ahahaha~~
i thought i've forgotten the password.

anyway i randomly came acrossed this.
someone in nj reviewed it online.. it used to be more funny until i think someppl go and change it larh(which they should)

NJC's Boarding Programme is a unique and specially-designed programme slated for
implementation beginning 2009 along side other similar pioneering programmes
approved by MOE in October 2007.
When implemented in 2009, the pilot boarding
programme will see all IP students boarding for at least one semester according
to their respective cohorts, providing opportunities for students to build their
identity and character, as well as for them to start and maintain a meaningful
life-long network of friends through varied house activities such as drama and
music productions under the guidance and mentoring of House Masters.
Rigorous
leadership development and experiences will also be provided and cultivated in
all domains. All boarders will explore and pursue their individual and
collective passions through academic non-examinable modules like "Exploration
and Discovery", where Experts-in-Residence will elevate the students' learning
and extend their global perspective and appreciation of diversity. Students will
also get to explore and discover the finer points of one another's anatomy.
The hostel has already been completed, and the scholars have already
moved in. They have provided information on the state of the hostel, or as the
school authorities call it, the boarding school.
The hostel has alternating
floors for males and females, much to the dismay of the scholars moving over
from the more decent and proper Hwa Chong hostels. Also, there are no locks on
the room doors. This will help to fulfill the 'building a family' part of the
school song.

wth..LOL.

for more info u can read the second latest post of this blog http://strictlyallegro.livejournal.com/

or go wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Junior_College

cheers~!

2009-01-27T11:07:00.001+08:00

In order to help SML Land students do better for their chem, SML scientists with the help of Water Woman have come up with the map around the organic world. This is the 1st version of the map.

Please note: The information may not be all correct. Thus please help us to make it better by telling us what maybe wrong

We are also looking into how to add in aromatic compounds and other stuff that are missing..

2009-01-26T22:00:00.002+08:00

The power of BIOLOGY and PHYSICS have combined!!!

Today, in a interview by our SML Times reporters, Lai Lai told the world that she will be combining power with the long lost Clifton to open up a new r&d centre called R&D CENTRE (RC). The primary purpose of the RC is to research and develope new technologies for the benefit of the world.

Lai Lai unveiled some of the new things the duo have just created in the past few days since the opening of Lai Lai SMALL stall:

1) SWAT flavoured ice cream... in case you dun understand, SWAT stands for 'something weird and tasty' (ken's idea)

2) recycled paper from mouldy coconut husk, as by popular demand frm mask riders. Now we will not have a shortage of paper

3) upgraded version of the wind power fan, solar power torchlight and fire powered heater. They are now 1% efficient, as up from the 0.005% in the previous version, and still emit the same low amount of green house gases, 1000000tonne a day.

4) real diamond ring made from glass owned previously by jaina.. just a recap, this ring is the one that is linked to the famed quote "MY PRECIOUS!!"

5) The Moderator Version 2009!! This machine help you to moderate your marks to any score you want it to.

6) A small cute rubber ducky cum seal... random...

7) AngPao with unlimited money inside

8) The Inflator Mark1, a machine that can control the inflation rate and even deflate the prices so that you can buy things cheaply.

9) The AM/A Answering Machine, help to answer all your questions, even comprehension. You just have to type in the passage and qns, then copy down the answers.

10) The Dropper I, help you to drop any subject.

Currently this amizing duo are still coming up with new things. The have opened up a new booth in Singapore, in the area between harbour front and vivo city called harbour city and vivo front.

Do visite them if you have the chance.

I just realised something, you cant collect ang paos from lai lai... sad sad she not married yet

2009-01-23T21:58:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

It seems that santa did not turn evil after all. He has been kidnapped by really bad people called The Evil One!! However, with his santa skills, he was able to escape the clutch of the Evil One and tell us what has happened.

The Evil One has framed santa and did all the things mentioned in a few seasons before. He kidnapped santa to prevent him from telling people the truth. However, santa used his SuperRoundSkills to defeat the evil one and escaped!!

Chinese New Year has been saved!!! Yay yay..

However, we mourn for the loss of one of our famous mentor, Lai Lai! She will be leaving your beloved (not so beloved) RVHS. We wish her all the best in her future endeavour. It is thought that she will be training to take up theR&D post in the SML Ranger's Headquaters to help develope new megazords and powers. She also encourages students to take up H3 physics chemistry and biology all at once so that they can go help her.

She has alos decided to open up a shop she wanted to reopen for a long time. Yes, it is the Lai Lai Stall. Just a recap, Lai Lai Stall was closed down around the same time as the Great Disbanding (disbanding of 4E). People were seen throwing towels at the stall's sign board so it was removed and the stall closed down.

This new stall will be of modest size. It will have a 1 metre square land area over land. This is because we have finally found out what to do with the big hole in the ground in south pole created because we took soil frm the south pole to fill the big hole in the north pole caused by the Evil One's anti matter bomb. The big hole will be made into the underground section of Lai Lai's SMALL stall, with a total area of 100000000 square kilometres.

Items sold will be as listed:
1) angpao with negative money value inside
2) bio text book
3) the duplicated copy of a copy of the 7th hand copied version of the 3rd copied version of the orginal Lai Lai stall sign board signed by the ppl of 4E
4) fake genuine Fashion Hero Posters
5) gift clocks
6) mandrain orange soaked in liquid nitrogen for a million years
7) purple power ranger suit's left pants sleeve
8) iron man's iron version of his orginal titanium armour
9) santa's 1st ever reindeer born on 10000BC
10) a fake 1 dollar note sold for 1 dollar.

We hope all will continue to support Lai Lai and visite her SMALL stall and buy all the useful and nice things. We also wish her luck in helping the SML Rangers to fight evil.

2009-01-12T12:04:00.004+08:00

Picture of the year(2008):

SML board having a meeting for WORLD DOMINATION!!! muahaha..oops i mean..uh...how to attract more readers =D

Picture of the year (2007):

sorry just couldnt resist =D..dont think u can read the little words on the top left corner...i still remember it...."hmm...quite abstract...fashion hero...I LIKE IT!!"

Picture of the month(jan 2009):

omg..classic hahaahah

happy school reopening! but no matter how busy u are...plz take the time and the effort to spam yuxian's blog =D

-editor that got abandoned at some faraway place

2009-01-01T21:24:00.002+08:00

Since Kenneth Ng has been chosen as the Person of the Year, we shall take a small peek at his life.

Full Name: Kenneth Ng Yu Xuan King Kong Prankster Trickester Ken
Born: 28th June 1991, in a small town called Hong Kong with Canadian Citizenship (correct me if im wrong)
Move to Singapore when he was young..

Little is known about his childhood except that he was in Rulang Pri Sch and his CCA was CO, playing the Sheng.

Entered River Valley High when he was 13 (duh!) in the class 1J
Seat beside a guy called Kah Lok
advanced to class 2J at the tender age of 14..

However, the good times did not last long. He was framed during the 922 incident together with afew other members of 2J and was forced to give out free toilet paper outside the toilets during break time-_-" (lame punishment by a lame sch's lame teacher)

At age 15, he switched class to 3E, and changed a classroom too.
He was deeply affected by what he saw.
Together with Mask Rider Miao, Jaguar Warrior and God, he formed the Jaguar Action Party(JAP), an action party that aims to defeat evil. Slowly but surely, the party grew bigger to include more of 4E.

A misfortunate incident caused him to only get a B for olevel Chinese.. sad sad sad

When Dragon Man was spotted flirting, Ken helped his fellow classmate to revive an old 2J tradition called SML Times. (yes tts us) This new version of SML Times is called SML Times Revival, and Ken is one of the major reporter, writer and editor. (okay, we dun really hav any editor as all of us our language dun qualify)

During the Olevel, ken failed to achieve 9 A1s, and was unable to go to HC, RJ or any of the top 5. However, he did end up in AJC and joined the squash team.. Ken is known to be a major slacker during his JC days, though he was one of the top GP students for the JCT (if i din rmb wrongly). However, excessive slacking prove to be damaging to ken's brain and he ended up scoring badly for this promo.. But who cares, he dun even care abt it himself...

During the year end holidays of 2008, ken managed to sneak onto a plane bound for Canada and migrated there. Before he left, he left a message for everyone --- I ROCK!!!

However, since his excate flight time was classified, there were no one to see him off and his message went unheard.

Currently ken is in canada studying at duno where and doing duno wad.

Memoriable incidents of ken include telling jaina that he went to poly and the AJC orientation shirt was a $10 shirt frm bugis... HAHAHA

2009-01-01T13:54:00.004+08:00

Hey everyone! it's 2009!
Kenneth here doing a special report on some interesting new year resolutions!

top 10 interesting new year resolutions:

10)get rid of 3 stomachs-cow

9)grow longer legs-jiao duan

8)reach 152.1cm-mrs chng

7)buy newer underwear-baima

6)try not to be lag-pig

5)be more fashionable- fashion

4)rmbr to wear raincoat into cubicle-noob boy who looks like lik tak

3)to make everyone worship me-god goat

2)to say "god blash you" properbabably-charliechng

1)to sue everyone i know for sexual harrassment!!-922 victim

Oh yea....to all the willing spammers out there...here is a new blog to put ur spamming skills to good use:
http://hercolormargins.blogspot.com/

have a happy 2009! and may you realise all ur new year resolutions(no matter how weird they might be!)

2009-01-01T11:42:00.001+08:00

SML Times wish to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR

Please note that SML Times is a COPYWRONG NAME (its wrong to copy us)
Please trust SML only.. Thank You!!

:)))

2008-12-30T21:33:00.011+08:00

Two more days before the end of year 2008. 2008 has definitely been a tough year for SML Land. Even if the anti-matter bomb did not go off yesterday and there were no major theifts on weapon industries around the world by terrorists working with santa, the attack of the FCC has left deep impression in all SML citizen's minds..

We shall have a look at the whole year.

Famous incidents:

1) Getting back your O level cert.

2) Wanci getting jailed for lighting fire crackers.

3) Disbanding of 4E07

4) ATTACK OF THE FCC!!

5) Destruction of FCC!!

6) Bug catching cum water balloon throwing at hannah hse

7) Farewell Kenneth!

8) Chalet! which i apparently missed

Person of the Year:

The guy who went to canada. Kenneth Ng King Kong!!

The faces of the other people are censored for their privacy! Except for the tongue, which in theory is not part of the face.

PICTURE OF THE YEAR:

Censored version. Full version can be obtained upon request. Please leave ur email in the crapping corner! haha

Of course, many more things happened during 2008, but i just cant tink of them now.

Anyway we shall move onto the real world now. So far no news have come up with regard of santa, but the SPD did find and rescue santa's elves. It appears that santa have turned against his elves and poked them till they almost died and tied them up and hanged them up side down on a bamboo stick on the 19th floor of the JCT building. Having battered 2 nights of icy hot wind and warm rain, they were finally rescued by the Power Ranger LightSpeed Rescue team that also rescued the people stranded on the SML Flyer not so long ago.

Since santa is also the host for Chinese New Year (he is also CaiShen), one of the elf have volunteered to be CaiShen for next year. He is currently undergoing CaiShen crash course training, which involves eating 100 cheese cakes, 1000 piece of butter, 10kg of lard and rinking 10000litre of mixed with melted butter a day .

SML Times wish him luck in his CaiShen training.

In the mean time, we shall look at how the scientists are doing at fixing the big hole at the north pole. So far they have only managed to dig some soil from the south pole. But they have encountered a problem- what will they fill the hole in the south pole with? Some have suggested that they should dig a hole in the North Pole and use the material dug out to fill the new hole in the south pole. Researchers are currently looking into the idea.

Also, SuperMan and SpiderMan have both reported to the police that they have lost their underwear and alien suit respectively. We wish them luck in getting them back!

And so we wait for 2009 to come...

2008-12-29T21:26:00.002+08:00

BIG NEWS BIG NEWS!!!!!!

We mourn for the loss of our SML Reporter Experditionary Unit (SREU) which have ventured to the North Pole in search of Santa.

This morning at 2500hrs, the whole of North Pole was obliterated by a Fashion-Land made anti-matter bomb!!!!! Only a gaping hole is left in the earth crush, into which the sea water is pouring at this very moment.

SML Police Department (SPD) has been called upon to investigate immediately. It appears that Santa has turned evil and had decided to work with the evil great grandson of the great grand father of the 9th sister of the 10th nephew of the 3rd heir of FCC!

Santa has decided not to give presents to the good kids and decided instead to give weapons to the bad kids. So far, he has been stealing weapons from various weapon industries and stores around the globe, including the famous Starks weapon industry. Weapons stolen include crossbows, arrows, swords, flintlock pistol, slings, wooden Roman era shields, wooden clubs and classified weapons such as the Iron Man's Titanium armour, SuperMan's underwear, SpiderMan's black alien costume etc etc.

There has also been reports of several attacks on various important cities around the world, including the white house, black house, blue house and green house. Broken windows and nuclear grenades seemed to be the main culprits. However, the most significant attack should be the attack on the owner of the white house, during which a pair of Adadas cum Ninty cum Redbook shoes was thrown at him. Fortunately he manage to dodge the shoes and jump into a pool of molten lava near him. It is strange that such an attack would take place as the current owner of the white house will be replaced shorted. (the old one will be recycled) But who cares?

So far SML scientists are working on a method to fill up the hole in the North Pole. Their idea is to dig a similar size hole in the South Pole and use the soil they dug out to fill the hole.

The SPD is helping the White House Country to find evidence of where santa may have went. The latter had sent out a number of flights of the latest jet plane (latest outside SML land), the F-22 Raptor to locate santa. however, every single plane was splashed by a red colour man flying in red red and yellow armour with red underwear and black alien overalls.

In the mean time, the investigators from Black House Country are trying to figure out why santa hav stolen the Iron Man armour, SuperMan's underwear and SpiderMan's alien suit. This is because they cannot work without the Marvel-made colour pencil mode power up system, which is always kept in safe hands and not known to be stolen.

On the other hand, Marvel Text Book Company has reported that the only Marvel-made colour pencil mode power up system in the world kept in their company building has been stolen. They have already made this known to the whole world. Police are still investigating.

Finally, we wish to wish everyone that they will wish their best friends to wish them back a belated Merry Xmas and a be-earlyed Happy New Year!!!

2008-12-28T10:27:00.002+08:00

breaking news:

"SANTA's workshop has MOVED!!"

This was all our reporter could find at the north pole when he arrived
after asking a few polar bears for possible reasons of the sudden move, he has arrived at a conclusion: santa's crazy=D

currently, the reporter is searching around the area for further clues as to where the workshop has moved to. SML slackers here are wishing him all the best and praying that he doesnt freeze to death before finding the workshop(what happenes after that, we really dont care)

We assure our faithful readers that we will publish any findings the moment we here of it.
til then..merry christmas! and a happy new year!

2008-12-27T11:34:00.001+08:00

SML has received complains from locals that they are not getting the presents on time.Also there were sightings of a big fat red man with only one reindeer. Thus, we have sent one of our reporters to investigate....stay tuned!

2008-12-09T21:30:00.002+08:00

After a long long time, someone decided to post something..

okay okay, to e impt stuff.

We shall look at all the ways that people send secret messages around SML land in order to inform their friends and families of something or simply when playing bridge. Enjoy!!

1) *wrink wrink* : you wrink your eyes at e person u are trying to tok to. messages spread may incude many.. eg, just play alone, you are murdered in the game murderer, let me this time can?? etc etc

2) using the word "HOR" : to hint who was responsible for something, eg, "Duno who HOR, do something n still dun wan admit"

3) enchi enchi enchi.. ... : pioneered by miao, it has been a favour during bridge games. It could be used by bidder to call out partner, by bidder's partner to hint to bidder, bidder's opponent to confuse the bidder, bidder's opponent to call out his own partner etc etc... ... ( according to 'reliable' sources, this method started when miao entered the classroom one day enching to himself.. wonder what message he was trying to send, and to who)

4) Your time is UP *favoured method* : means what it literally means, used to tell teachers that their time is up, leave the classroom or risk being turned into small toy figurine-sized figurines (refer to power ranger time force for more info)

5) Battle of the trump : very useful method in bridge. eg when you duno who ur partner is, n u wan to screw up e game, you put down a card that is the onli one left of its suit so e rest hav to waste their trump cards.

6) Absorb trump : burn ppls trump la...

7) say "look clearly ar!" to e bidder b4 putting down a card : hint to bidder you his partner. a favourite method by hk, but this method failed badly when his partner was shengyang!! God Goat eats everyone when his partner is not known... as usual

there you have it, some of the favoured methods of hinting... maybe you can use them in e future!

2008-11-21T22:36:00.002+08:00

It has been noticed that strange things have benn happening lately in SML Land.. People are doing weird and sometimes dangerous things. Our reporters have decided to list some of the things below to make readers more aware of such actions:

1) Jay walking across zebra crossings
2) Stealing balloons on free balloon days
3) Holding rings and saying "my precious"
4) bringing umbrellas and rain coats into toilets
5) singing on the MRT train
6) Occupying smoking corners in coffeeshops for whole dyas and not smoking
7) putting up anti smoking signs in smoking rooms
8) payign for free "today" and "MyPaper" newspapers
9) forming long queues in JE MRT every morn for free toilet paper

this is just some of the many weird things people have been doing. Please note this and reframe from such activities...

2008-11-20T21:01:00.003+08:00

What will you be doing this holiday?

Happy vacation!

2008-11-15T21:56:00.011+08:00

Just for fun, mean no harm

Due to popular demand(by shengyang), we hav decided to post the legendary FASHION POSTER. U can now print it out and paste on the wall in ur room, set as desktop wallpaper or put it on ebay for sale.

Desription: Artwork by renown artist and writer of fashion hero magazine
Created in 2006
History: After, it was initially displayed at the class notice board, and then out at the front door for public viewing. It also move together with the class to malan road and stayed there for half a year before its disappearance.

WANTED: soft copy of 3E duty roster cos it oso feature fashion hero...rmb where the hand was and colour of pants?

*name blurred to protect identity. this post is meant only as a friendly joke and has no ill intention. no one is harm in the process of this post

2008-11-13T21:36:00.002+08:00

On the 20th october 2007, magic happened. Well loved newspaper SML TIMES is made into an online version. Today, after lagging for afew days, we wish to celebrate the 1st birthday of SML Times Online!! So hop on and enjoy the moment!! May the magic carry on!!

Magic magic magic magic magic magic... ...

It all happened on that fateful day in 2005... A group of three bored person decided to stop submitting silently to the supression of their teachers.. Their plan, to voice their anger, rage and unhappiness with the use of an underground newspaper system. The name was decided to be SML TIMES after Small Medium Large teacher whom have been supressing the students to a huge extent.

The very first article on the demon baby of SML was with received by the readers of 2J with open arms.. This set the future for the now famous news agency. Over the rest of 2005, four more copies of SML TIMES was published. Unfortunately, the disbanding of 2J meant that the avid readers of SML TIMES were seperated...

All seem to be lost. The dead and dying due to lack of SML TIMES filled the streets and their bodies could not be removed quickly enough before more died.. However, the lack of brain juice to write SML TIMES made its creation difficult.

After 1 plus years, SML TIMES became part of history. History became myths, myths became legends. Something there were not meant to lost were.

It was until the second half of 2007, that someone deicded to do something. Jaguar Warrior, Miao and KingKong spotted a opportunity of a story and wrote an article on DragonMan flirting with some students!! This allowed them to start the SML TIMES Revival (STR).. Soon the STR became popular in 4E as people from all over the world read it.. The world was SAVED with the return of SML!!

Some avid readers also wished to comment of SML Times..

it reports facts ALL the time and is a good source of entertainment for all ages

-Kong

lame!!! but im loving it!!!

-RoadMan1

it reminds me of the lousy quality of the toilets in rv.. leaking roof, weird ppl saying "my precious" inside, people singing birthday songs...

-Noob Boy who look like lik tak

bagus!!!

-anything

atashi baka

-Hippo

its finger licking good!!

-RoadMan2

If you have any more comments, please feel free to write on the "crap" section!

So there we have it, a brief history of the revival of SML Times.. Yes, how did we get globalised by going online, well...

during the disbanding of 4E, the clan decided that SML Times is too good to be lost again.. Thus to save it, JaguarWarrior sacrificed his email so that the online version can be put on the net..

SO THE MAGIC LIVES ON!!!!!

MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-26T10:00:00.003+08:00

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
THE SML'S TIMES#2

Ek's Egg POWER!!!

Summary of what happened: SML's demon baby was possessed by the evil alien that gave him the demonic powers. SML was sent to the hospital after what happened - By issue 1

SML have suffered from overbleeding, water bag burst and depression!! SML's moods are unstable, she often gets up at night and walks around like a mad woman na**ed! She wants to find her baby desprately and she goes around na**ed in hope of using her mesmerizing charm. This is rumoured that the skill was started by the black beauty lalatha after she was saved from the Frog Freak!! Ek's eggs were then given to SML to eat so as to make her healthy again. But her eggs are too potent for SML!! After taking them, SML goes bersek even more. She would go crazy, jump around on the bed and also rampage around tearing the hospital into pieces. Currently, SML have mastered her newest skill during the berserking days. It is the "Chuan Deng sonic blast"!! It involves singing Chuan Deng which will create a blast coming from Penang!! Her hometown!!

Issue3 contains the follow up

Boy Eating in Toilet got Food Poisoning

A boy was found lying on the ground in the toilet cubicle of RVHS block D 4th floor toilet. The boy was holding a piece of peanut butter bread in his hands.
The examiner came and found out that the boy got food poisoning from the bread. It has been infected with an unknown virus which the expert classified as Maple virus. The victim is a secondary school boy named Ceith Sim En Hon. According to his classmates, he often eat his lunch in the cubicle. Therefore, experts suspect that the virus orginated from the toilet bowl.

Ceith is now undergoing treatment in TTSH. His condition is undesriable and the doctors are trying their best to get him back to health. Doctors advised people not to eat in the toilet until further discovery about the virus.

Mad man singing in toilet Bowl

A mad man was captured for singing 'happy birthday' in the toilet bowl. This man is a yalam man named Thursday. Member of public has complained him for making a din in the toilet. Warning was sent to him but he ignored them. Finally, the special [plice squad ambushed him when he was singing in the toilet. Thursday tried to resist but was shot by the police. He is now in hospital. If you have any information, please call 0000 0000.

John Galt rescue lalatha

John Galt was rewarded 41000 000 000 000 worth of Eggs and BBB milk from King Kiffton after saving the great black beauty princess mermaid Lalatha. Lalatha was captured by the evil frog freak. John almost died during the rescue if not of fairy god monkey came to the rescue

Classified

Purple power ranger toy figure only at $100000000 singapore dollars. Now in singapore!!

TGL's guo tiao (dayanna's fav teacher) Nice and sticky, sticks on face and helps maintain smooth complexion

Bread with maple virus. Now in singapore only at $10000000000 UD dollars. Cheap cheap. Shit, vomit flavours available.

CARD WARS opening on 23/9/05. People who who donate rubber band will get free cards. You can also buy them at 10 for 20 cent. snacks also sold there

HJ's maid found dead in wwb hse

WWB missing

Andrew the frog freak, killed by John Galt with magic banana!!

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

2008-10-25T21:32:00.006+08:00

In the attempt to make SML more accessible to people, the paper version will be softened..

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

THE SML TIMES #1

Boy who saw SML sent to hospital

seen here, SML and her baby attacking the boy while the EGB tries to stop her.

A boy who saw Sew Mek Leng (SML) was sent to the hospital last year (last last last year in current time). the injury was caused by the demon baby's demonic power!! The boy was seen hovering in the sky shouting "HELP". (SML) could not control the baby as it overwhelmed her own controlling power over the baby.

A member of the public saw the incident and called the Extreme GhostBusters (EGB). The boy hovering in the air threatened the (EGB) from attacking as it might cost the boy his life. The relative of SML came all the way from penang and bring seafood here. The father of the baby shouted 'Liao Yi, wo men yong yuan zhi chi ni!!' SML cried in pain as the baby tried to force out of her stomach. Finally, the baby came out, breaking a hole in SML's stomach, and the EGB got ready to attack. The EGB then opened the trap and suck the boy hovering in the air and sent to hospital. After some negotiation with the baby, an alien camo out of the baby's body and flew away.

SML is in hospital suffering from overbleeding, depression and water bag break. If you have any information, please call 555.

CLASSIFIED

Fatless Lor Mee now in singapore.. made from fatty fat!! EAT LOR MEE!!!!!

Maplestory: Balrog attaciking, must buy the maple fan to help defend TESPIA!!

MUST BUY!! Bose's bosom balls milk, no.1 in singapore!! 1 cent onli, buy 1 for the price of 3 million. Nice creamy and healthy

Ek's EGG, delicious and appestising. Best for ppl slimming, contains all nutritional values.

THE MAID: died in 2005 after seeing ghostly figute during seventh month, we miss you..

MISSING: HJ's maid=dayanna.. abandoned by HJ. Anyone who find her pls call 0000 0000 Reward: free stay in HJ hse for one night.

SML durain cake, nice and traditional, made by sml herself..

"Jiayou, sml times rox" - from reader

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

2008-10-19T16:01:00.001+08:00

The big 'U'. Everybody's getting crushed by it. Are you?

special report on 922 celebrations

2008-09-23T21:51:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, one of our reporters went arnd SML land to interview sml citizens and find out more abt how they commemorated 922.
Although many ppl gathered to cheer and celebrate the past events that had happened on 922, there were some who were not in a celebrative mood.....
Xy: i cried today....cuz i rmbred how they harrassed and threw toilet paper at me...it still hurts (sob sob)

There were also citizens that participated actively in events organised by the SML committee such as the "Raining in toilet" event.

Noob guy that looks like lik tak....liktoe(after coming out of the toilet): i feel like im young again! when i was in rv....the toilet was always raining....today, i get to re-live that experience!!! i feel energised!! I think im just gonna stay in the cubicle for the whole of today"

As a special treat, SML sent a special troop arnd SML land to re-enact what happened on 922 3 years ago. This operation was code-named : "Anyhow Throw Toiletpaper At Random People" or ATTARP. Most citizens welcomed this operation and cheered as enormous lumps of soggy toilet paper flew at them, hitting their various body parts" While most citizens just took this operation as a fun activity, there were some that made use of this opportunity to benefit themselves. For example, Mr. K. yasu brought home 5kg worth of toilet paper from this operation. "AIYA....dry liao can reuse ma....dont waste paper! =D"
There were also some that did not enjoy the celebration...
Xy: walau....3 years ago, i got whacked by 2 lumps of toiletpaper...3years later i get whacked by 3times the number of toilet paper.....*bursts out crying

All in all, 922 celebration was a blast and we are definitely looking forward to nxt years' celebration where SML will go global...or at least...reach canada =D

2008-09-22T21:39:00.002+08:00

Continue from last article... more events will be held in memory of the 922 incident. All avid SML fans please read on and participate...

1) International 24 Championship
This championship will be held in SML land via the online SML Times. Questions will be posted up and all readers have to do is to solve the problems and post your answers. Its that simple, so what are you waiting for?

Lets revise on how to play the game of 24 again. For example, a series of four numbers, chose randomly form 1 to 13 with repeat allow will be set up. Players have to find a way to use the numbers to get 24 in the shortest time possible using plus, minus, divide and times. For example, if the four digits are 1,2,3,4, the solution will be 1x2x3x4=24!!! So simple...

Questions:
1) 5 5 5 5
2) 5 5 5 1
3) 3 3 7 7
4) 9 1 3 2
5) 6 6 6 6
7) 2 2 2 3
8) 3 4 5 6
9) 13 12 11 10
10) 10 10 11 12

2) Drawing competition
All competitors are encouraged to draw their own impression of what really happened during the fateful moments of the 922 incident. You can use Microsoft paint, word or other methods to display your idea. Photos are highly recommended. Also, if you have the time and resources, try making a movie length video or flash movie of the incident. We wish to see your entries soon... :)

922 3rd anniversary

2008-09-21T17:17:00.004+08:00

3 years had pass since the 922 event. For full report on wat happen, refer to the final issue of sml times (not revival). To commemorate this event and as a reminder to not let the incident(of being caught) happen again, the sml team has organise a series of events tml. Do join us after ur promo!!!

Free Toilet paper
People will be stationed ard all school toilets to giv out free toilet paper. and yes, it is free. Other than the normal toilet paper, we will be giving limited edition 'toilet paper' to enhance ur toilet experience. They include:
1) money notes (of many different currency like monopoly money and banana notes)
2)2007 'O' lvl qns paper
3)rv foolscap and gao zhi
4)toilet paper with icthy powder
5)sandpaper
Currently still recruiting people to giv out free toilet. CIP hrs of 0 hrs will be given. Approach Charlie Chng for more info and application.

Raining in toilet
Get ready to get wet when u r doing ur business in the toilet. our team will be stationed outside cubicles and when anyone get inside, we will splash water on them. And tis is not to irritate them but to show them some respect like wat many pple do during water festival in Thailand.

Toilet paper exhibition
XY claimed tat 2 paper hit him and 1 was thrown by lormee. The other culprit was still not found. To solve the case, teachers has collected many tissues from students which are used to wipe their ulcer(yucks) and analysed them. Unfortunately, there is still no results. These tissues will be showcased inside the 4th floor boys toilet(the place where the incident took place).
Free admmission

MapleStory Talk
In case u didn't know, it was a chat on Maplestory tat save 2 of our reporters from the whole incident. Therefore, in case u didn't wan any trouble tml, we have organise tis talk by MapleStory Professor Shen Yong Shui Gong Niao or KSEH. He will speak abt how to lvl from 1 to 120 in 50 days, tips to maximise playtime like by taking taxi instead of bus home, etc.
Venue: last time 2J classroom

Happy Party at Mcdonald
Finally, to end the whole celebration, we will hav meals at Mcdonald. Jus dont be suprised the next day to hear tat teachers were looking for u over the PA system.

2008-09-05T20:59:00.002+08:00

Recently God Goat has enhanced his version of the plane God Eye with new weapons, namely the Burnt Falcon Bow. He has came up with a difficult question for the SML Scientists, what is the range of his bow? After some calculations, the SML scientists have come up with the answer, below is their report.

Name: Burnt Falcon Bow (BFB)
Type: Bow
Missiles: Normal arrows
Range: 79.37122826m

However, there were some assumptions made:
1) The bow is able to apply a maximum force of 65 pounds
2) 1 pound is equal to 2 kg
3) The bow is pulled to the max limit
4) The arrow weighs 500g
5) The bow is aimed at 30 degrees to the ground
6) The arrow starts at 1.2m above the ground
7) The bowstring takes 0.05second to return to rest position
8) No air resistance/ wind/ weird people trying to catch the arrow in mid-air
9) Acceleration due to gravity is 9.82 metre per second square
10) The 100% correct SML scientists did not make any mistakes... ...

With the new Burnt Falcon Bow, the God Eye is now ranked second last in the SML Arsenal, up from last place. He manage to beat the Fashionator, which did not have wings, cockpit, weapons, stealth stuff but was damn fashionable... ... Sorry fashion, please work hard to regain your 2nd last place... ...

2008-08-22T22:28:00.002+08:00

150th POST ON SML TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

On this special edition of the SML Times, our reporters will be discussing a important current affair... it is...*drum roll* ... the ... ... .... .. .. SML PROMO... as suggested by Sheng Yang.....

We shall start with quotes from People of SML (POS)

1) King Kong Fingersmith, "study like you live, live like there is no tmr"
2) heng Yang, "UUSSB"
3) Peeeeee Ceeeee, " )))))))))))))))): "
4) Hannah Gorilla, " the whole earth sings" (we assume the mean study)
5) HongKong: Use water to soften hard questions...
6) Nai Sheng Tall Man, " Happy CNY" ?????

Next, we shall have a special interview with a member of SML Times
Me: What is your views on Promo?
Mysterious Person: It sucks
Me: Then?
Mysterious Person: Its to filter out losers, like me...

Finally, we shall look further into the problems that this PROMO has been causing us.

1) We cannot use the computer so often, as seen from Nai Sheng Tall Man's quote...
2) We start to spell things wrongly, such as Gorilla
3) We come up with lousy ideas to make our lifes easier, as seen from HK

Since we know the problems it cause, we have decided to find solutions to the PROMO crisis...

1) Eat more, such as eat both pizza and pasta when you go PizzaHut so that you do not have to waste your brain cells on deciding which to eat...
2) Sleep later so that you can fall asleep faster so that you wun waste brain cells counting sheeps.
3) Pretend that you do not know what is promo, thus you do not have to care...
4) SLACK...
5) *highly recommended* GO study la uncle/ah ma... ...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... i ran out of ideas le......

2008-08-22T22:25:00.002+08:00

SML Times would like to wish a member of SML Land cum escort squad member. SHe is
1) xm
2) mei cai kou rou
3) dustbin
4) erm.. ... i wan pasta... no i wan pizze
5) pizzahut worker
6) erm, i duno got anymore le....

Happy Bdae... and zx stop asking abt wendy su.....

2008-08-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

Due to popular demand, a rematch was held between LTLT and Charlie. It was also found out that LTLT used needle legs, which was a forbidden weapon. Thus Charlie was also allowed to use a forbidden weapon. He chose to use the Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go ( refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Robot_Monkey_Team). The five robot monkeys were just too powerful for the LTLT. Thus Charlie won the round in the end, while LTLT was reduced to ... ... whatever she was made of.

Here we can see Antarui, Gibson, Sprx, Otto and Nova trashing LTLT.

HYPER FORCE GO!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-11T21:06:00.007+08:00

The SMLympics results for Du-Do, crossbowry, 100m crawling, 100m rolling and Lightsaber fighting have come out today:

1) Du-Do, the art of fighting using pinches, pokes, slaps, foot steping and biting.
Gold: Poker addict
Silver: LTLT
Bronze: Charlie

LTLT use her signiture foot stepping technique to beat Charlie to Silver while Poker addict poked her unknown opponent X to death. How brutal...

2) Crossbowry
Gold: Maple Story CrossBow master... duh
SIlver: Ribbon Hood
Bronze: King Kong

From here, we see crossbow master celebrating after his victory.

3) 100m crawling
Gold: Baby A
Silver: Baby B
Bronze: Baby C

Erm... the scene is too raw for most to see, so the pic is cencored...( actually i no mood draw liao)

4) 100m Rolling
Gold: Eek Soooo Bennnn
Silver: Luke Landroller
Bronze: LTLT

From here, we see EEK rooling into 1st while Luke uses a rocket booster to give herself a last minute boost. LTLT is slowed down by the pin on her foot.

5) Lightsaber fighting
Gold : red light saber
Silver: draw, pink and blue lightsaber

We see here the red light saber defeating the blue nad pink light saber at the same time. After all, it is the lightsabers that fight here...

More results for SMLympics coming to you soon.

2008-08-02T22:21:00.002+08:00

Due to overwhelming response, all members of 4E have been enlisted in the PSES. Jaguar Warrior will be leading everyone. However, please note that there are still posts available. A short description will be given on each of them.

Escort-overall-in-charge: the SK warrior, will be the first to handle escort duties. Thus this is the most unpopular yet 2nd most powderful rank.

Sentry: you have the look out duty and you are suppose to watch out for people who need escort and to watch out for the escorts.

Money Man: your main job is to collect money from those who have been escorted. The current price for 1 escort is $10000 per day. If the client hire 2, there is a fifty percent discount. If three are hired, there is a 66.6% discount. Basically, if the client hire 'n' escorts, he will receive a ((n-1)/n)x100% discount. This will result in him paying the same price for any number of escort he hire.

Super Member: basically you are a member of the escort, but you will be given super powers for no reason, thus you are called super member. Super power includes hyper speed, hyper strength, hyper dexterity, hyper intel, hyper time control, hyper eating speed, hyper sleeping time and hyper lameness.

2008-08-01T22:43:00.002+08:00

Due to a rising trend of SML people getting caught up in dangerous, sticky, funny, lame, lousy, weird and noob situations, the Jaguar Action Party have decided to organise a Special Operation team for escorting SML Land citizens out of the 'situations'. This team will be called the PSES (Personal Social Escort Squad).

All ppl frm 4E will be enlisted, however, if you do not wish to join, please submit a letter of DOWJ (dun wan to join) by 2nd Aug 2008, 0001 hrs.

Jaguar Warrior will lead the PSES and direct them to escort the people.

If you wish to join the committee, please leave your appeal letter in the 'TALK" section of SML Times. Limited to 4 more vacancies: escort-overall-in-charge, sentry, money man, slacker leader and super member.

2008-07-21T21:20:00.002+08:00

Recently, a Penguin JC (PJC) - Lousy JC (LJC) exchange programme (PLEP) has been conducted with students from PJC visiting Lousy JC from Lousy Land. However, upon arrival, our students discovered that the LJC campus was empty. Not a single soul was in sight. After consulting the LJC Principal at his top secret lair cum headquarters for all special lousy operations which was situated under the LJC campus, it was found out that the students arrived at the wrong time. They were suppose to visit LJC on 21/07/08 or 8th July 2021 and not 21st July 2008.

Also, the reason for the campus being empty was that the LJC students were sent home for e-learning. This was due to a recent terrorist attack on Lousy Land's toilet bowl cleaner cum hotdog manufacturing factory. Thus the students were given detailed instructions to use the LousyNet and log onto their Lousy account to do work related to their Lousy courses.

However, when we visited some LJC students at their home, we discovered that most students were not doing their work. They have logged into their Lousy account to 'listen' to the Lousy lecture, but they were also talking on FUNS (Futuristic Useless Networking System) and playing computer games like DAR VI: The Ultimate Resurrection. (DAR stands for Delete and Restore).

"DAR is a very fun game, we get to delete all the useless software on our computers, such as the anti virus system and all the virtual programmes, then we 'try our best' to restore them," a happy student told our reporters.

However, there was also some students who were hard at work trying to finish the lousy homework. But their attempts were foiled because the Lousy homework is really LOUSY.

"Wah Lau the setter head got problem isit??? I do the mcq qn and all the one hundred and seventy five choices are wrong. So i cannot proceed cos the Lousy teacher set the paper such that we have to get the correct answer before proceeding. I have been stuck at this page for the past seventy-two hours, 35 minutes and 4 second. Angry la, LOL." a very very angry student told our reporters.

Due to the unstable situation in Lousy Land, the group of students, teachers and SML Times reporters involved in the PLEP are escorted back by the SML Rangers. SML Land will also not be conducting any exchange programmes till further notice.

ptm

2008-07-20T18:39:00.002+08:00

Reporters have just found out that PJC(penguin junior college) issued Parent-teacher-meeting(PTM) notification forms to all those who had done badly for their midyear commontest. Since the notification has been sent, thousands of students have wrote in requesting for solutions on how to prevent their parents from meeting their teacher. To cope with the rising demand of solutions,(demand curve shifts right), sml experts have put their heads together(with super glue) and came up with these useful solutions:

1) The first step in preventing them from meeting is by not letting them know there is a PTM in the first place. As SML understands that the form requires a signature, we urge all those who needs forgery done to send their notification slips to SML headquaters so that our very own MR. Forger can forge your parents signature for you.

2)For those whose teachers are calling your parents, SML will redirect the call to our operators in india....rest assured that they will not try calling your parents anytime soon......

operator: "HELLO! welcome to ali baba curry house, may i take your order?"
teacher: "hello, is this mr XYZ? i'm ABC's student. I would like to speak to you regarding your son's results"
operator: "you not here to order curry chicken?"
teacher: "uh...no...i need to speak to you abt your son's results!"
operator: "but we have special offer today! buy two curry chicken get curry free!"
teacher: "................is it possible for you to come down to pjc for our parent teacher conference this friday?"
operator: "ok...i deliver your curry chicken to pjc....wait...pjc!? mumbai la...india india!"(hangs up)
teacher: "......"(stunned)

After cutting off any form of communication, SML times has also come out with excuses to tell your parents such that they would not see the need/too afraid to meet your teachers:

1) U stands for U ROCK
2) The teacher's breath stinks
3) Ranking points are the same as L1R5...LOOK! i'm consistent!
4) The best is yet to be ;P
5) i tell u hor, u wont want to see my teacher de...her eyes bajiao, nose crooked, teeth rotting, unshaved beard,11 fingers.....

And finally, you would have to explain to your teachers why your parents would not be able to/ does not want to attend the ptm:

1) My baba busy working at the curryhouse, he complain that recently got alot of prank calls
2) He said im very smart, i scored better than him
3) i dunno why, but after looking at your picture, they did not want to see you
4) They are only free on the 31st of feb
5) My mom does not like the idea of my dad meeting a female teacher....even if she was as ugly as you, no offence =D

p.s. enjoy! hope none of you did TOO badly for your midyears =D

2008-07-14T21:48:00.003+08:00

After 2 weeks, Miss MojojoAce the Short has finally agreed to share hand written records on her A Math TextBook. The records held valuable of our 'beloved' Charlie's words and advices on how to run a chocolate factory. We hope you 'enjoy' every bit of it, oh yes, yun pls wear a jacket and other winter clothings so that u wun freeze:

· Bless: -----bash
. God bless you: -----God bash you!!!
· Owe:----- own
· Purpose: -----purple
· Front: -----flan
· Shoelace: -----shoo-lay
· Product: -----po-duct
· Differentiate: -----different-sher
· Volume: -----vor-lim
· Rate: -----rage
dy/dx: ----- rage of change, roar!!!!!
· Accuracy: -----air-ker-ler-xi
· Medicine: -----mag-sen
· Sketch: -----scared
· Produce: -----pro-diu
· Erase: -----e-ray (some science-fic weapon of no distruction??)
· Significant: -----sag-ni-fi-cant
· Signature: -----sag-nature
· Main: -----mean
· Must: -----ma
· Origin: -----or-li-gene
· Women: -----wee-mean
· Chinese: -----chai-nee
· Use: -----you
· Angle: -----ango
· Plural: -----plu-ler
· Very: -----veli
· Help: -----hell
· Ruler: -----lu-ler
· September: -----sarp-tem-ber
· Perhaps: -----per-harp
· Disappointed: -----dis-pointed
· Discriminant: -----dis-criminal
· Tedious: -----tea-lious
· Theorem: -----tier-lerm
· Remainder: -----re-me-dear
· Whistle: -----weasel
· Cleanliness: -----clare-ni-ner
· Suppose: -----sar-po
· Vulgar: -----wow-gal
· Exponential: -----expo-ney-sher
· One: -----wang
· Miscellaneous: -----mi-say-lay-nia
· Student: -----stew-learn
· Factorize: -----factor-rai
· Because: -----be-core
· Never mind: -----na-mer-mind
· Acceleration: -----air-sir-ray-shien
· Yan ru: -----yan-lu
· Problem: -----plor-blem
· Maths: -----max
· Times: -----tams
· Substitution: -----sub-tiu-shien
· Parallel: -----pear-ler-re

2008-07-11T22:22:00.002+08:00

During a recent farewell ceremony, our reporter had a sudden inspiration on the different gifts people give each other. Thus he have decided to come up with a list of popular, cool, nice, funny, or just lame stuff for people to give each other.

1) Mug for the muggers
2) Cups for non muggers
3) all time favourite SML brand watches, clocks and other time piece
4) hearing aids
5) seeing aids
6) smelling aids
7) touching aids
8) tasting aids
9) Dummy's guide to understanding lameness
10) free movie tickets that has been expired for a day
11) toilet bowl
12) toilet (tjc J1 08 decided to give a toilet to tjc as a graduation presn)
13) automatic toilet cleaners (for rv)
14) Toilet paper
15) dustbins (tjco demand a dustbin to be placed right outside the co room!!)
16) pet cockroach
17) designer school uniforms
18) altered school ties and badges
19) empty MCs
20) limited edition excuses for ponning pe... eg. pet ant died, little finger pain, forgot to bring towel so cannot sweat etc etc
21) floppy disks
22) Pentium 1 computers
23) windows 1995 software
24) a key that cant open any lock
25) a lock with no key
26) a shoulder (not to cry on, but to erm... ... useless actually)
27) a promise of 'i try my best'
28) a chance to drink from a water cooler
29) a chance to be laughed at
30) a GOOD FREN (called alyo...)

Enjoy...

2008-07-11T20:23:00.002+08:00

Recently there have been trends of people receiving JCT results from their respectively institutes. After a interview with the principle of Penguin JC (PJC), we have found out some shocking news. It has been noted that only 2% of the J1 level passed one or more of their triple sciences. This is especially shocking as PJC students are known to be top scorers in SML Land. Their results in Maths and language were slightly better with 5% of the cohort passing.

After detailed analyse of the students, it has been found out htat the students who did well for their tests all seemed to share similar trends. Thus SML Times have come up with 5 tips to how to do well for your exams and tests:

Tip 1
Be a loner. Do not get me wrong, but you still have to maintain some degree of contact with your peers so that you can do well for your PW and can correctly get all important announcements made to you. However, at other times try not to hang out with your classmates much. CCA mates are better as their are seniors who can help you with your studies.

Tip 2
Do not under any case, decide to mug with your classmates. Here is a typical scenario of mugging session among students of the same class.

A: everyone, lets mug...
B: ok, every one quiet....
C: shhhhhhhhh!
D: shhhhhh, dun shhhhh or everyone will wan go toilet den we cant mug
A: hahahahaha
C: shhhhh dun laugh!!!
B: btw have everyone herd of the new song by SUN called 'shh haha shh haha'??
D: yeah yeah its super nice la
A: and the guy damn cute la
C: yeah lor yeah lor he very the... ......
------an hour later--------
B: the food from that store super nice lor
C: i like the fishball noodles alot...
A: hey we late for PE liao, better get changing.....

E: hey guys. so how have your mugging section been? i manage to cover e whole phy section on morphing and transformation.

A,B,C,D: ... ...

Tip 3
Pay attention in class and lecture (to the lecturer or teacher or whoever you are suppose to be listening to, not other students or weird teachers walking around the LT trying to distract you) It really helps as you can grasp alot of information which when you ask your frens they will say "he got say meh??"

Tip 4
Join a performing arts CCA or any CCA that you get to seat on a chair near your bag and lag for a considerable amount of time. If you are not in such a CCA, quit your current CCA and join one now. If you cant, too bad. This kind of CCA gives you alot of time to take out your notes to study and do homework. It is especially helpful if you have a test the very next day. However, it is highly not advisable to start studying for a test 3 days before it.

Tip 5
Practise practise practise... Practice makes perfect, i learnt this through math test. Some more more practice increase the range of questions you encounter for different topics, and there are scientific proof (SML scientists of course) that more practise can help you reduce random error, parallax error and most importantly, human error like carelessness.

Additional tip
Be happy and sleep early every night so that you can be fully awake the next day for lessons. And try not to waste your attention capacity during lecture waking your classmates up.

SML Times hope all readers will study hard and prevent the same incident that happened in PJC to happen again. Good luck!!!!!

2008-06-30T21:51:00.004+08:00

WANTED:

Jolene's A Math Text Book

The one she use in 4E

The book contains prized quotes from our dear Math teacher Mr Charlie Chng.

If you have seen this book, please call Jaguar Warrior, Mask Rider or fingersmith, or Chicken or Sheng Yang

Reward : Free drink from any toilet bowl u want.

2008-06-28T22:01:00.002+08:00

This is a special movie critic on the three new movies that have been screened in a secret cinema in a secret base in SML Land.

1) Luck Face his Father
5 stars
This film is made from the match between the villains and heroes held not so long ago. The three managers were completely unaware that they were being filmed, leading to the exciting actions and effects. There was notable performance by Darth Maul, who manage to defeat Luke, Yoda and other heroes even when being attacked by multiple enemy. However, his efforts were in vain as the villains had to face the inevitable defeat. Other notable efforts include computer controlled chewbaka. But disappointingly Luck did not fare well against his father and failed to defeat Darth Vader.

2) Return of the Jedi
6 stars
This action packed film featured two transforming characters that can change from storm troopers to Jedi to light saber wielding droids and bounty hunters. There were scenes featuring battle with the evil emperor with blasters, speeding through dense jungles and shooting down Imperial Destroyers. When there was no emeny to fight, the two heroes turned on each other. This gave the movie a more exciting twist.

3) The Three Kingdoms
7 stars
Fans just love it when the yan dao Cao Cao win the battle. The Ren Yew was also well loved and he/she showed great skill with the fans. However, the second battle was disappointing to the fans, when our heroes lost. A remake of the scene was demanded, but the film crew ran out of funds and time. Nevertheless, the movie still manage to captivate fans, definitely not worth to watch.

2008-06-28T01:15:00.002+08:00

Luke faces his father again

News: After a fierce battle between the hero and villian faction at Mos Eisley, the heroes won with a score of 180:161. The 2 managers of 'villian' faction were very disappointed as they had used all their available tactics and sent all players to the battlefield for the match.

"Walau! they only know how to choke and slash!" exclaimed player 1, whose team emerged victorious. "Luckily I know how to ambush together with my team"

At the final battle, it was an AI which did the kill, leaving the 3 managers unknown to what exactly happened. Anyway, the heroes win, but the villians are sure to make their return.

Remake of Episode 6: Return of (new) Jedi

3 local directors were making star wars episode with new characters. Remember how luke and his father defeat the emperor? Thats an old stuff already. This time, the 2 heroes are a stormtrooper and C3p0 who have learnt the way of the jedi. Yet, they were using red lightsaber, showing that it was the traitors that lead to the fall of the empire.

The most exciting part of the movie will be the the last chapter, when 2 spacecraft tried to escape the Death Star after destroying it. A lot of time had been spent in the shoot as the spacecraft keep on exploding. Unfortunately, the directors ran out of patience and gave up the very last part and went back to the mos eisleya catina.

The movie will be on the big screen not too soon. So do not look forward to it.

The 3 Kingdoms

Wanna catch the new movie 'Chi Bi'? Pls la. The history has just been changed recently. In the new story, Cao Cao force won the battle against the alliance of wu and shu with the help of Sun Quan and a imba officer. The fire attack failed and ZhugeLiang escaped without starting the prayers.
In another exciting battle, the battle of Mai castle, 2 warriors Ren Yew and ZY fought hard to protect their commander. However one of the noob commander died, thus leaving the troop defeated. "I fought so hard and bravely and... manly. How can I lose?!!" said Ren Yew. Anyway, this is the first 'hard battle in legend' and defeat is not a surprise.

Don't bother if you do not understand what is above as they are just description of what happened on the TV

2008-06-27T21:26:00.004+08:00

The undead curse on SML Land has finally been lifted today. After several fierce battles and quests, our heroes manage to break the undead curse with a Play Station 2! The battles include dogfighting in space, shooting and sniping enemies hidding behind guns, slashing people and getting blown apart and put together again.

It appears that the undead curse that has been threatening SML land for so long is due to the evil examinations (EE) that are used brainwash the people into thinking they are some divine market powers, mysterious physics forces or unique mathematical values. In fact, the EE want to brainwash the people so that they will achieve better grades in a mysterious more evil exam called the GCE 'A' Levels. However, there are other rumours that the EE is set up by a secret division to help people do better for such tests. After all, the legend tells of those who did well for the 'A' Levels will be awarded with great powers.

However, the EE had many side effects, such as making people use their mug to drink and eat stuff more often than normal. This cause them to have their life to be drained away and they have no life. Some more, they have no right, they have no say and they long to be free ('gay' in rvnpcc version) one day.

To stop this side effect, SML doctors began a series of researches to find out what kind or cure is there to give the people their life, right, say and freedom back. They discovered that a large dose of play is required, and what better way is there to get e dosage den doing battle on the Play Station machine (literally)? Thus our heroes have decided to get the ir dosage of play and help fight the undead muggers.

Also, SML Times wish to thank all those who have returned to reading SML Times after they have been cured from the undead mugging disease. And we wish to thank the writer, editor and publisher of this article (which will be me). We wish all a happy erm... end-of-exam-day and a happy survive-the-result-day. Haha...

2008-06-24T15:40:00.005+08:00

Mid-year Exam

This exam tests whether people are facing their midlife crisis aka getting old. The exam is set in a way such that it tests the memory and physical state of the candidate. In order to prove that they have not aged, the candidates often torture themselves by mugging day and night during their holidays. It is said that many SML citizens will be taking this exam, hopefully to prove that the population is not aging. However, this has become a worrying news. With people spending more time with their mugs, there are less people to update on the happenings in SML land. As such, foreign guests [like Shim] have stopped visiting. Some also fear that SML land will soon become a ghost town as things seem to be "so dead here... ..." [as quoted from Jaguar] Lets all hope that this exam will end soon and SML land can once again be revived.

2008-06-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

Dune to the current oil crisis, SML Times have come up with a guide on what kind of appliances that you can obtain to save a few bucks on your power bills. The following is brought to you after extensive research among the many shops in SML Land.

1) Wind powered fan
Invented for military use in the wars fought previously, this device has been changed to a friendly device for domestic use. It harness the power of wind to power up a fan.

2) Solar powered torchlight
Invented side by side with the wind powered fan is this device, which harness light energy to light up its light bulb. How useful.

3) Battery powered Electricity Generator
Need a source of electricity? Fear not, this device uses the batteries supplied to turn a spinner which in turn turns a turbine which generates electric power.

4) Coal powered heater
Cold? This device burn coal to heat water, which turn into steam and spins a turbine, which generates electricity to power a heater.

We hope the following devices will help you to find a alternative to using Oil as a source of power...

2008-06-04T21:22:00.002+08:00

Wan to do well for your for your English and GP, SML Times is here to give you a hint when writing your essays. Just remember the 15Ws and one N:

We wish we were walking working waiting wadding watching with wonderful witty wayne wong wee noob!!!!!

Good luck!!!!

2008-05-31T22:12:00.002+08:00

A list of new words have appeared in SML Land, and SML times have compiled some of them to form a new language called SMLish. Here are some of the words including secret words and hidden meanings from this new language and their meaning:

1) 52 pieces of plastic/paper with four patterns on them --- u noe wad, cards
2) making connection --- play bridge
3) sentry duty --- look out for the you-noe-whos during card games
4) enchi, enchi, enchi ... ... --- special hinting method to partner in all card games, but not guaranteed to be effective.
5) 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock... ... --- not time, but direction
6) 6 o'clock --- someone right behind u, better do something about it, especially in a dogfight
7) Red Bandits --- enemies, especially MiGs and fashionmanics
8) Henshin --- transform, said before you prepare to attack someone; math topic transformation
9) Kick, Thunder, Mach --- warning to enemies that you are about to kick them
10) vertically superior --- describes naisheng
11) vertically inferior --- describes jolene mojojojo ace
12) horizontally inferior --- describes fashion hero
13) horizontally superior --- describes sumos cos i cant tink of the person yet
14) Time for Time Force --- random words said before the next words
15) TimeForce/ShadowForce Megazord Sword/Gun mode --- some more random words continuing from above and connecting to e next words
16) Your time is up!!! --- continue from above, the lesson is over, the lecturer turns back into a doll (pls refer to power ranger time force)
17) Exceed Charge --- say this before whacking anyone in any method (hongkuang is a true follower of this rule)
18) Fashion Fashion, Fashion Hero .... .... --- special fashion cheer
19) Slash, thunder... ... Burning divide --- a mock at kids central for lousy translation

2008-05-16T22:16:00.009+08:00

Its is slightly under 7 months since the SML Online version has been launched, and SML Times have compiled a list of the 50 most influential, lame, extra people in SML land. Just read on:

1)ShengHui - shengy aka tattoo mole
2)Hannah - chicken and pig's best fren.
3)YanTing - the twins( yawn n yun) de AHMU
4)GaoHan - Han Han
5)XiaoYun - yun/The dealer in poker movie
6)Jiangwei - JW chicken little
7)ChouYin - hongkuangCAO LING /ancestor
8)TianTian - Sweeeeeeeeeet and Brainiac#1
9)YuXian - Cow aka ex cow lover
10)YiZhu - Chu! /one bamboo
11)Evonne - Ah MA
12)YuHui - Hippo aka atashi baka
13)Jolene - Mojojo but not ace
14)ShaoYue - Brainiac#2
15)YanRu - YAWN!!!! sleepy... ...
16)TangNi - seriously SML Times dun noe her well, but shes still influential
17)PeiChan - Pee or pig or PersonalComputer or chicken's best fren
18)XiaoMeng - Bio super star and XM
19)ZhiXuan - Mary and related to being straightforward (being frank)
20)Candy - Owner of candy empire?? host of 2008 June 4E outing
21)Yijiu - ONE NINE!
22)FangHui - HAM!
23)Yixin - one heart
24)ZhouYou - Yoyo
25)ChenXiao - Xiao GE (brother Xiao)
26)ZhengYu - JIE JIE/ The guy who hate chem and bio and know almost all the female scholars in tj
27)NaiSheng - Talllllllll guy (to bad jo), Brainiac#3 , jie fu's qing fu
28)BinXin - Icy Heart/ DustbinSTAR
29)Kenneth - KenDo but cant play with swords, fingersmith big bully etc...
30)HiokYang (Tried v hard not to type ShengYang) - God Goat the gay fast guy
31)HongKuang - "God" & walking dogfight encyclopedia/ HONGKUANGcaoling
32)ZhiHao - Erm... ... ZHZHZHZHZHZH the green ring
33)MingHao - ChairMan Mao Mask Kamen Lamer... ...
34)FashionHero (sorry couldn't resist) - TJC, surprisingly his initials is my sch... ... AH GONG
35)YangJin - One word difference from my name... ... Brainiac#4 / PAPA
36)Jingwei - jaguar, ninja, dogfighter, tjcian!!!
37)ZheHeng - Jeff, sister's husband./Jie Fu. Brainiac#5
38)Si Noob - quote 'jw u actually got a2 for ur eng... ...'
39)WangC - Hum Ji Kia, undercover spy to tjc.
40)Charlie - ChngChng, chimpanzee master
41)LTLT - LTLT, heavy weight ballerina
42)Hween Jie - Water woman, Hydroxide Acid... ...
43)LaiLai - LaiLai curry fish head!!!
44)CaL - Strong and healthy bones
45)TWT - Geo monopolist
46)Who ever it was - elective hist teacher
47)FCC - Fashion Candy Cane the evil
48)SML Ninja - hannah's creation
49)SML Samurai - Jaguar's creation
50)Shim - alien from outer space cum mysterious visiter to SML Times.
( 51) soh - fav tcher of 4E=))) )

2008-05-15T21:59:00.003+08:00

In order to maintain SML Land's Air force's air superiority, the SML scientist have come up with a series of new locally built air crafts. Previously SML Air Force used F/A22 Raptors and MiG 35s, but these were considered outdated and they proved no match against hostile fighters such as the FashionMark4.

The new series of planes are listed below:

1) SmL6 Jaguar
role: Joint strike fighter (aka dogfighter)
Max speed: Mach 137 (very very very fast)
Other features: Full stealth capabilities including invisibility and silence. Spot Stealth capabilities. Orange with black spots shield.

2) SmL9 FlyingKen

role: multi purpose fighter (another name for a dogfighter that can be used as a bomber etc..)

Max speed : Mach 126 (very very very fast but not as fast)

Other features: No stealth capability, but have blinding capability. Can be used as dogfighter or bomber or transport.

3) SmL152 Mask Kamen
role: Fighter bomber.... ... more of bomber
Max speed: Mach 67 (very fast, buy alot slower)
Other features: can carry alot of bombs and missiles. Full stealth capabilities. The 1st bomber built by SML land with a gun!!!!! So it can dogfight. Flys with a mask.

4) SmL537 HolyHegaKord
role: MegaZord
Max speed: Mach 98 (faster but not fast enough)
Other features: Comes armed with guns, lasers, swords and more. Can fly, can swim, can jump, can run, can dance, can sing, can fight, cannot whack mosquitoes and flying ants( as proven by a test flight done in tjc hall not long ago).

5) SmL335 GoatEye
role: spy and surveillance
Max Speed: Mach 1000 (very very very very gay gay fast!!!! just like god goat)
Other features: alot of cameras and microphones to spy and eavesdrop on ppl.

6)SmL1d10t Fashionator
role: Able to demoralise enemies because it is so DAMN fashionable
Max Speed: same as "flying coffin" =D
Other features: Absence of weapons, stealth capability, spying equipments, wings, pilot, tail, wheels, and sometimes an engine...(basically it's got nothing)
HOWEVER, it is SO DAMN FASHIONABLE...great paint job with multiple layers of vinyl =D

2008-05-05T21:47:00.005+08:00

This is a list of tests and examinations that will be taken by students during the 'S' Level Examinations:

1) SPA
You know it, test of how you can relax in a spa. Ranging from hot springs to mud baths to Jacuzzis. The better you relax. the better you score for this test.

2) Mock test
This test is a test of your mocking abilities. Either you mock the examiners or you will be mocked at by them. Thus it is advised an aggressive mocking altitude is to be taken during this test.

3) National Anti-Pirates Harassment Assessment (NAPHA)
Taken by all ninjas in the NvP (Ninjas vs Pirates) battle. This test is to be taken so that the examiners can assess whether you are worthy enough to hunt pirates.

4) Musical instrument grading
Take your musical instrument and take part in this grading. You start with a white belt instrument and gradually move up to black belt and up to 10 dans.

5) Bathing Examination
Test on how many types of bath you can make. Important ones include water bath, mud bath, oil bath, bathe tub bath etc.

6) Test Examination
Test on the different tests. This include math test, physics test, chemistry test, biology test, language test, economics test, literature test, Benedict's test, test for starch, test for fat, test for protein, lime water test, litmus test and so on... ...

May all students study hard and do well for their tests and examinations.

PS, i just flunk my phy test.

2008-05-03T22:36:00.002+08:00

Several movies have been launched in SML Land lately. SML Times Entertainment Task Force (TETF) have watched the movies and did a brief review on the movies. (Warning: may contain spoilers.) They have also rated the movies in entertainment value.

1) Steel Women
3.1419 stars
This movie is about a women that was attacked while on a special mission in Fashion Land. She was captured and send to the Fashion Rebel's camp site, where she was forced to make weapons for the Fashion Rebels. However, instead of making weapons, she made a suit of armour out of steel, which included rocket launchers, wings, cannons, guns and other weaponry. She managed to use the armour to escape the Fashion Rebels. Later in the show, she aided the SML Armed Force in the war against the Fashion Manics with the suit of armour.

2) Slow Racer
4.999 stars
A young boy was drawn to the newest form of racing that have replaced the Cyber Formula racing (which in turn had replaced the F1 racing). This new form of racing--- Slow Racing involves driving a car on a upside-down track as slowly as possible. Luck was with him when he was seen by world famous slow racer SlowPoke and send for slow racing training.

3) Dance of the People
5.001 stars
A bored TanTayLim joined hip hop dancing for fun. Never did he know that doing so will change his life forever. He ends up in the HipHipHop--- the world's greatest hip hop dance competition. Stars famous SML Dancers including TayTayTay, TanTanTan, TeoTeoTeo, LimLimLim, ChanChanChan, WongWongWong, ChuaChuaChau, TohTohToh and LOLlolLOL.

4) DoomsNight
3.123 stars
A plague appeared in the world and killed off 99% of the world's human population. The other 1% (except one person) were transformed into zombie like Fashion Manics which were afraid of the sun. The one person had to battle the Fashion Manics while finding a cure that may allow him to turn the Fashion Manics back into human to save the human race.

5) Super Villain Movie
0.190 stars
This movie tells if the story on a young monkey that became evil after being bullied in school several times. He became so evil that he earned the title super villain. He than had to compete with another evil dog for the Most Evil Person or Thing title.

2008-05-03T21:38:00.002+08:00

hmm.. ive just added the lamers'blog addresses to SMLTIMES=)

:if u are a lamer and have a blog,
pls, go and add your address..

:if u are a lamer and dont have a blog,
pls, dun anyhow add random ppl's address=)

:OR if u have a blog but are not a lamer..
then, i dunt think u will be so lame to add urself here la
but if u just did, then too bad, u are a lamer.. just like JW.

2008-04-26T23:03:00.002+08:00

Here is a brief summary of the major religions and beliefs in SML Land

1)SMLism
This is the most wide spread religion. Everyone in SML Land believe in SMLism. You can also get yourself converted at any SML Churches around the world, if you can find one.

2)Jaguarism
Not as common as SMLism, but still common enough. It is ranked the second biggest religion in SML Land. (Note: People of SML Land can practise multi-belief). All members of the Jaguar Action Party believe in Jaguarism.

3)FashionLism
Not very common, or not common at all. This is because FashionLism is banned in SML Land due to the large amount of trouble and damage done by FCC and his fashionable counterparts. However, the are several places you see people placing signs saying 'where fashion comes alive'. The SML Police are trying their best o locate and eliminate such places.

4)Otherlism
Includes all other religions you wish to believe in.

2008-04-19T22:47:00.003+08:00

Battle of The CoffeeShop (Not S11)

Students vs aunty

A group of students were seen battling an aunty at a coffeeshop at 1230pm 19th April 2008. The battle was located at a smaller coffeeshop opposite the Seven11 along the trade route from Bedok MRT to TJC.

This group of students were seen buying bubble tea from a stall beside the coffeeshop. However, when they were about to dig into their food at the coffeeshop (NOT the bubble tea), an aunty came up to them and wanted to con them into thinking they have just committed a crime and have to pay a fine of $1.

She pointed at a notice on the walls of the coffeeshop saying" No outside food or beverages is to be CONSUMED in the coffeeshop". The students argued that they did not drink their bubble tea, thus they did not commit the crime. However, the aunty say that she do not care and that they are committing the crime by simply bringing the bubble tea into the coffeeshop.

This lead to a heated argument between the students and the aunty. The aunty threatened to call the school that the students came from, but she did not know what school the students came from. It seems that the full uniform and badges the students wore helped them to prevent the aunty from knowing what school they were from.

The students fought back bravely. In the end, the aunty lost the battle as she was unable to get the money, nor was she able to stop the students from drinking the bubble tea.

SML experts say that there are several reason that the aunty may have wanted to con the students:

1) The business was doing badly, and the aunty desperately needed money.

2) The aunty forgot to wear her spectacles and read the word 'consumed' as 'brought'.

3) The aunty learnt in the past from her teacher that the word 'consume' means to bring something to somewhere.

4) The aunty belongs to the KPH Clan.

5) The aunty eat full nothing to do.

6) The aunty was playing truth or dare.

However, what ever the reason, SML Times is organising a boycott on the coffeeshop. SML Times reporter Jaguar Warrior will be happy to show all where the coffeeshop is located at.

This is an article based on the real life event that happened at the place described at the time described.

2008-04-19T15:13:00.000+08:00

haha.. chong2 wen1..

2008-04-17T22:55:00.004+08:00

Fresh BouncingBALL Results!!

ProJuniorCollege (aka PJC) just set a new record!!

After a fierce match against HarhChewInstitution,

ProJC scored a total of 8 points!

With a difference of 90 over points between the two,

ProJC has once again proven that winning isn't everything.

Final Score:

ProJC VS HarhChewInstitution - 8:103

2008-04-16T21:57:00.002+08:00

Battle of S11

Aunty vs Ah ma

A furious argument took place in JE S11 today night at around 910p.m. Our reporter was live at the scene of the argument but had to be evacuated due to the rising violence.

According to our reporter, the argument was between three drink stall aunty and a customer ah ma who was dressed in dark purple top and jeans. It stated when the ah ma asked for a drink. When the first aunty brought over the drink, one or more of the following reasons may have started the argument:

1) The aunty was rude to the Ah ma
2) The Ah ma say she did not know the price of the drink and thought it cost just 1cent.
3) The Ah ma very fast (derived from speed aunty from the library, a.k.a. K**P**Hag(KPH))
4) The Ah ma wanted green tea, but the aunty brought coke.

Anyway, the argument soon heated up. The Ah ma was seen using an attack called pointing fingers at incorrect direction. The aunty could not handle the stress, and called over a partner. Her partner, another aunty, tried to fight back, but also could not make it. In the end, she also called for friendly help. A third aunty arrived on the scene. She had a fierce argument with the Ah Ma. Both of them were seen doing strange dances in which they made weird waving hand movements and spoke loudly but not clearly. Thus our reporter was unable to understand what they were saying.

In the end, SML Times HQ called for the reporter to be evacuated by an escort of F4 Phantom, F6 Hellcat, F8 Crusader, F15 Eagle, F16 Falcon, F18 Hornet and F22 Raptor fighters. Just as the flying escort left the scene, major war broke out. The ending is still unknown, but SML Times promise to TRY ITS BEST to find out.

This story is based on a actual incident that happened in Jurong East S11 Coffeeshop on 16th April 2008 at around 2110 hours.

love

2008-04-12T21:13:00.003+08:00

random stuff

ken is called ken cause he likes KENtucky fried chicken and kenned (canned) food.

pc is called pc cause she likes pig (pork) and chicken (kfc too). so pc it is!

hiok yang is called hiok yang cause it's derived from shen yang (meaning: god goat).

jw has a lot of bruises and 2 black eyes cause mr chng says god bash you.

monica chng is called monica chng cause mr chng says mo ni ka cheng ):

l2m is l2m cause her parents found that l1m was too short. they wanted her to be at least 2m tall but ohwell.. it never came to pass.

mrs lee-teo is called mrs lee-teo cause she was once a lily which tio (teo) stung by a bumble bee.

4e is called 4e cause it's 4eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww! :D

2008-04-09T22:09:00.003+08:00

This is an apology for the late update on the invasion from FashionLand. It happens that the FashionManic bombed the SML Times' main publishing centre, and the previous message have been sent from one of the SML Times 10000000000 secret underground back-up publishing posts.

By the way, the army from CandyLand came to help SML Land. It was found out that the FashionManics were weak against candies ( i say were because there is no more FashionManic available now). Thus CandyLand Army used molten candy to destroy all the FashionManics. They also helped in pushing the FashionLand people back into their country. The SML Armed Force and the CandyLand Army combined and destroyed everything related to FashionLand. So the evil motive to revive FCC was gone forever and ever and ever. (Ppl dun EVER revive him again!!!!!!!!!).

In order to celebrate the victory, four JCs from the East Side of Singapore (abit no link la) have come together to hold a CO concert. The schools are MJ, TpJ, TJ and VJ. They will be playing a total of five songs, of which two will be the same (VJ and TJ copy each other). If you wish to purchase tickets for the concert, please approach JW latest by this Saturday. The concert will be held on 19 April 2008, Saturday, 5pm at VJC Audi. Tickets are priced at 2bucks!!!!! (cheaper den a plate of chicken rice!!)

PI

2008-04-07T19:43:00.002+08:00

SML times has recently noticed many students in jc1 stressing over their PI-premehmermamee ideash(as pronounced by mr chng) and thus have decided to come up with some tips and suggestions in hope of helping pupils get a good grade(F) =D

Ideas for task1:
1)journey of how a group of people played 'connect' and linked ppl up at the grandstand and in a class of RV.
significant impact:kena caught by teachers and became smarter aka send lookout
msg delivered:next time open dens be smart
planned journey: gambling camp =D

2)journey of how fashion hero became fashion hero
significant impact: he became fashionable
msg delivered: its not easy being fashionable
source evidence that can be collected:interview with fashion hero
planned journey: stay-over at fashion's house and let him help you with a complete makeover(gender change included too!!)

3) journey of how sheng yang passed his days with a SHAVED leg
significant impact: mental and emotional torture led godgoat realise the important of his hair
msg delivered:treasure ur hair
planned journey: shave everyone's hair to let them experience the mental and emotional journey shengyang went through

Ideas for Task 2:

1) Modernisation of "linking ppl" in RV
positive impacts on RV student body:can find sth to kill time
how to be extended: open carnival to promote linking of ppl

2)Modernisation of SML time (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!)
positive impacts: produced more laughter, lightened atmosphere..allow a passage for unhappy morons to vent their anger and for idiot who jiak bao bo xi zhuo to kill time(looks at jw)
how to be extended: invite more writers and readers (DUH)

3)modernisation of teaching methods of LTsquare(LTLT)
NEGATIVE IMPACTS: bored students to death, induce sleep and stupor, confusion among students, failure....ETC ETC....(sml times compiled a list of 10000+ negative impacts from this modernisation but the typer thumb got blister so cannot type all)

positive impacts: led to the modernisation of SML TIMES!!!
how to be prevented:"LTLT....u tmr no nid come skool liao, i let u have a.....long holiday....so to speak..=D"

Tips:

1) Dont rite ur essay in tis kind of eng, sure fail one LA
2) Try to keep ur sentences short and to the point, meaning dont beat around the bush and turn here turn there, which will affect the mood of the reader or confuse them such that they will not know what u are trying to tell them and what is the point of you writing this long sentence.
3)important sentence structure is let people what talking about understand
4)And....never start ur sentences with "and"
5)Rmbr what u are writing...do not go off to-.......wonder what's tmr's lunch
6)remember to include your credits at the end (e.g. i would like to thank my mom, my dad, my sis, my bro, my granddad. my grandmom, my uncle, my auntie, my cousin, my friends, my friend's friends, my friend's friend's friends....etc)
7)Leave ur name..i dun care whether u are called ahkow or ahbu, u dun leave name =0marks

WE hope u have enjoyed reading this post and found the tips and suggestions useful. Any comments can be left at the tagboard and SML times will review and add on to our list ASAP...THANKS =D

2008-04-05T22:10:00.004+08:00

The FashionLand people have launched the ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!

From the map, we can see that the Fashionable Army attacked SML Land with three different armies from the North. To the right is the army lead by Rita Repulsa and her clay man. The middle is taken by Korrag and his decaying man. The left wing contains the strongest troops--- the FashionManic lead by FashionHero's hero--- Fashion HERO HERO (FHH).

The SML Armed Force have responded swiftly and decisively. The specially designed Preservative Cannons are used against Korrag and his decaying troops. The attack have caused this wave to retreat to behind the borders of Fashion Land and SML Land.

The Water Cannon Unit (WCU) was deployed to counter Rita and the Clay mans. So far there have been no SML injury or death on this side of the battle. It is rumoured that Rita was actually killed in combat.

However, the left wing attackers, the feared FashionManics are fighting up to their names. The used fashionable things to attack our army, and all efforts to stop them have not been successful. The bulk of the SML Armed Forces have been deployed to counter the FashionManics. However, FashionHeroHero seemed fearless in battle, and our forces have been pushed back.

At the same time, SML Land's allies have launched attacks on FashionLand from all around. It is known that LMS had bombed FashionLand's capital FashionCapital with 2000000 atomic bombs. At the same time, SLM and LSM have destroyed as large percentage of FashionLand's fashion making machine. MSL and MLS have amassed troops to help in the effort to counter the FashionManics.

However, with the FashionManics just miles away from SML Land's Capital, it may already be too late for a counter attack. Only a miracle would save SML Land now... ...

2008-04-04T21:51:00.002+08:00

Tension has grown as the diplomatic ties between SML Land and FashionLand increased. According to various sources, it was found out that people from the FashionLand were attempting to resurrect FCC. They have set up the booth 'Where Fashion Comes Alive' to cheat people into thinking that the will find fashionable stuff and walk inside. Then they will knock the person out with a pencil and steal his soul away. The soul will be used to revive FCC.

However, the SML Rangers were sent to investigate the booth, and foiled all attempts to revive FCC. The secret agents from FashionLand --- Fashion Hero, Fashion Heroine, Fashion Mistress, Fashion Wawa... ... were all taken into the new SML Jail for further investigation.

FashionLand government have demanded the release of the secret agents, but SML Government have rejected the demand. Currently, both side are massing armies at the border. SML Land has also asked for ally help from LMS Land, MSL Land, MLS Land, SLM Land and LSM Land. The alliance of six countries have surrounded FashionLand completely.

The SML Government warns all citizens that war may break out any moment, thus all citizens should be prepared. Everyone should keep a weapon at home, for example candy cane, broom stick, bamboo pole, toilet paper or poker cards. This is to ensure that in cases of a full scale invasion from FashionLand, all citizens will be able to defend the country.

In the mean time, the SML government and the alliance are making a deal with FashionLand--- surrender or be destroyed. And surrender means losing everything, land, labour, capital and enterprise. Hopefully, the talk will work out.

2008-03-29T22:30:00.002+08:00

This message goes out to all those who wish to read it
It is SOMEONE's birthday on MONDAY 31th March
So if you wan to do good because if feels good to do good... ...
join Jaguar and a group of people to spam the birthday girls handphone
at 0000hrs on 31th March!!!!!!

2008-03-29T22:18:00.003+08:00

The hunt for FCC have began again... ...
After today's incident of the revival of FCC, the SML Government has again asked all SML citizens to be on their guard.

They also hope that if you see anyone or anything that FCC maybe related to, meaning his father, mother, brother, sister, current schoolmate, previous schoolmate, future schoolmate, boyfriend(s), girlfriend(s), gayfriend(s), lesfriend(s)... ... pet dog, pet cat, pet donkey, pet pig, pet monkey, pet's pet dog, pet's pet cat... ... slaves, masters, teachers, FChoc, FToffee, FSweet, FLolipop, FBiscuit... ... toilet bowl, drinking cup (aka toilet bowl), water bottle (aka drinking cup), and the list goes on... ... please inform the SML Police.

So do remember to inform the SMLP, you will get a free candy cane when you give us useful information!!!

2008-03-29T12:42:00.004+08:00

warning! warning!

Fashion a.k.a Fashion candy cane (FCC) has been spotted at VivoCity
by SMLtimes very own part time reporters!!

They were slacking around at vivocity after going back to the SML homeground(where 4e classroom was)
to get a green slip of laminated paper.
As the two of them were walking around vivocity , they spotted a large T shaped stage at the centre of Vivocity. WHat's worse is that the words" WHERE FASHION COMES ALIVE" were boldly plastered onto a black box situated on the stage.

" EH? i thot FCC died long ago liao??" one of our reporters heard a little boy ,who was wearing a blue handkechief mask, said to his very fashionable mother who was wearing a dark blue cap.

Rumors has it that FCC's body had been retrieved by unknown and random ppl and apparently, these unknown and random ppl were going to make the dead FCC come alive by dressing him/it in random and unknown costumes...

However, due to the explicit and gory content of this act, actual pictures of FCC coming alive were not taken. In fact, our hardworking/intelligent reporters left before the "show" had actually begun in order not to contaminate their eyes.

To get more infomation about FCC coming alive, pls call the usual number that ends with 913..
-_=

The police and Mr SMLock Holmes and working very closing to investigate who are these unknown and random ppl causing FCC to come alive. Those who have more information or have actually watched the gory process of FCC coming alive, pls call the unusual number that also always ends with 913.

- Reported by:
reporters of Vivocity
SML TIMES =)

2008-03-28T22:07:00.002+08:00

Two person were seen at the BEST shop in Vivo City today. They told our reporters that they had travelled from Harbour Front, to Harbour City, Vivo front and finally to Vivo City. They have travelled there on a very important mission.

First, the flew jey planes to shoot down enemy bombers and helicopters. However one of them gave up and went instead to fight a soccer battle with another enemy, but he lost zero to two.

Then, they joined racing games, burping games, tossing bombs, stepping of ants and bumping each other.

Finally, they ended their mission by wrecking the whole city with a sticky ball.

A passerby told us :" These guys saved our city... ... if it was not for them, the bombers would have destroyed our home land. If only they were more careful with the sticky ball, they would not have sticked many many many people onto the ball."

2008-03-22T23:00:00.002+08:00

Two man were seen collecting gears, motors and shafts. When SML Reporters asked them what they were doing, they told our reporters that they were making a secret machine. This machine, that make use of a revolutionary new source of power --- solar power, will be able to travel at the speed of its energy source.

The two man hope that the machine will allow them to win the World Solar Formula Racing (WSFR) that will be help next Saturday. This competition is a invitation based competition, and competitors will receive a letter from the organiser. At the same time, they will also receive the materials --- a solar motor and two solar panel. All they have to do is to create a machine with the materials that can move as slow as possible.

However, the two man were seen experiencing technical problems. They had shortened the wires that connect the motor to the solar panel, and now the motor do not seem to work. However, this two person were extremely confident in winning. "If the organiser is so screwed up, the competitors would not be tough. We will beat them," one of them told us.

If you wish to watch the competition, please visit the Toapayoh EAST CC on 29th March anytime between 12am to 12am.

2008-03-20T21:25:00.004+08:00

Here is the movie we've all been waiting for, sry yun, cant find a suitable pig head to cover ur face.... ..... y process so long de... ....

2008-03-19T18:19:00.001+08:00

Internet protocol:
Tutorial 1: Basic Sign Language.

Sad Face: =( or :(
Cry: ='( or :'( or D':
Happy: =D or :D

2008-03-14T21:59:00.002+08:00

Two person were seen having a fight in SML Land today. One of them wore dark blue clothes, a cap and covered his face with a blue napkin. He wield an umbrella sword. The other person wore white clothes and he used a cloth punching claw. After exchanging several blows, they realised that fighting did not get them anywhere. The had to do something else.

They were then seen going to the SML Poker Playing Area (PPA), and they had a game of poker. They started putting a small bid of SML$10000, and moved up to SML$2000000 during their second bid. During the last bid, both of them threw in all their tiles into the jackpot.

In the end, the man in white won the game of poker with 7 pair. While he cheered, the man in dark blue gave a long moan. At the same time, a strange sound which sounded like "pause pause pause" was heard.

It is not known where this two man have went to after the poker game. Some think they went to eat, some say they went to play computer games. Even more puzzling was the reason to why they fought. And he strange "pause" sound could also not be explained.

Anyone who have information on this incident please call 1800-555-913555315

2008-03-14T17:33:00.005+08:00

My holidays are gone. Yours too. Shut up now for their sake.

2008-03-14T13:32:00.005+08:00

We joy for the death of Fashion Candy Cane (FCC) the villian that first made his apperance on SML Times on the night before Christmas Last Year. He almost managed to defeat the SML Rangers, and plunged SML Land in great chaos. He has also escaped from the SML Prison several times. He died in a Candy Machine accident. 1 minute of celebration please.

2008-03-12T21:47:00.002+08:00

A body have been discovered floating down the chocolate river in SML Times. After the SMLP retrieved the body, the SML forensics scientists examined the body. They discovered that the body has been highly candified beyond any hope of repair. DNA tests indicate that the body belong to the fugitive FCC.

On the same day, the candy factory at the source of the chocolate river reported an attempted robbery. A man dressed in akido gi and wearing a pair of sun glasses entered the factory. He used akido moves and attacked the security guards. Having overcome the guards, he made his way towards the candy making machine and attempted to remove the candy core from the machine. However, he forgot to wear the required safety attire-- karate gi, taekwando gi, ninjado gi, candy-do gi or chocolate-do gi, and was candified on the spot. His body then dropped into the chocolate river and was never ever seen again.

Since no other people were reported dropping into the chocolate river and drowning, it is assumed that FCC was the person dressed in akido gi. It is thought that he was attempting to obtain the candy core from the candy making machine to give his candifying powers a boost. However, due to the inappropriate attire he was wearing, he ended up getting candified by the candy core.

(For more information on FCC, please refer to http://sml-times.blogspot.com/2007_12_01_archive.html where the whole thing on FCC started)

SML Candy factory also warns the public that in order to handle the candy core, a person must wear any Gi except akido gi.

Tagger of the Month Award

2008-03-11T19:25:00.008+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing our first ever Tagger of the Month!

"We'll miss him"

Congratulations MR TAN HIOK YANG.

Contributions to SML Times Online Edition:
1) Fantastic Drawings
2) Actively adds on to discussions on tagboard

Why the SML board chose him:
1) He was not in our class photo featured on the previous post
2) He has artistic talent

Mr Tan Hiok Yang, please claim your prize from Jolene and Zhixuan who will belt out a rendition of "Phantom Of The Opera" specially just for you. SML Times Online will not be held responsible for any damage caused as a result. Cheers people! Happy Holidays

100th post on sml times online!

2008-03-10T23:50:00.002+08:00

wheeeeee!! this is the 100th post on sml times online edition x)

just want to wish everyone happy hols(:
but don't play too much and neglect your work yeah.
we work hard and play hard.

awmaaaan i miss 4E! hope everyone's having a good time in their new schools yeah.
4E rock on(:

2008-03-03T22:20:00.002+08:00

It has been several days since FCC escaped. However, no trace of him has been found. The SMLP have send billions of sms, mms, video calls and emails to people of SML Land. The SMLP, SML Samurai, SML Armed Force and SML Ranger have worked day and hard. Ye, FCC remains missing.

Our experts have come up with several theories on why FCC could not be found.

1) FCC was killed when tortured by the SMLP when they were trying to find out where his fashionable gang were hidden at. To cover their trail in this murder, the SMLP have come up with the story of FCC escaping and never been found any more.

2) The SMLP have allowed FCC o escape so that they can track him escaping to his fashionable gang's hide out and arrest them all.

3) The SML Rangers have been secretly helping FCC escape in exchange for his tasty candy secret recipe.

4) FCC's body disintegrated when he was trapped in the jail house when the earthquake struck. He never escaped.

Here are just some of the most uncommon theories, there are many more. However, whether we will ever know the where abouts of FCC, only time will tell.

2008-03-01T22:43:00.002+08:00

A new virus has been spreading through out the SML InternetWork (SMLIW). According to those whose computer has been infected, the virus has spread from computer to computer by the online messenger SML Messenger (SMLM).

A computer patient emailed our SML email to tell our reporter that a "friend" from his contact list talked to him via SMLM, however, the only thing the friend said is a weird website. Upon typing a reply, our computer patient was infected with the virus.

Soon, other people from his contact list talked to him, asking him 'what was that?', even though he did not talk to them. This shows that the virus has the ability to talk to the people from the contact lists by themselves, thus allowing itself to spread like a virus across the Internet.

So far, there have been 315 reported cases of virus infection. However, there maybe many more unreported cases. Due to the fact that the virus spread via online messenger, experts has given the virus the name Messenger Associated Disease or MAD in short. Computers that have become MAD are to be quarantined immediately. If you have any information or idea in stopping this virus, please sms Jaguar Warrior or call 1800-913-5555555.

2008-02-28T22:09:00.002+08:00

Due to the current earthquake there has been a massive deflation that cause the prices of goods to drop rapidly. Experts have found out how this has occurred.

Due to the earthquake, many people were worried about tsunami, thus hide in their water proof houses. However, due to their inability to keep track of time, they lost count of time and ended up staying in their house for a long time. This caused a decrease in the number of people leaving their houses to buy goods from shops, causing a large surplus of goods. Thus, the price of goods decreased sharply as the SML Dollar gain muscle. This caused the deflation.

Some of the goods that were affected by the deflation are listed below:
-Bak kwa, price drop from SML$1000 to SML$100
-Eggs, rice drop from SML$0.01 to SML$0.005
-Hair Spray, price drop from SML$913 to SML$315
-Bowling balls, price drop from SML$99999 to SML$11
-Bowling Pins, price drop from SML$99 to SML$ 1.10

The crook FCC have also disappeared and escaped. The SML Police force, SML Rangers, Ninja, SML Samurai, SML Armed forced and students of Penguin JC have all banded together to look for him. Residents are adviced to eatch out for this crook and alarm the SMLP if you see him. He is extremely candycious and you are adviced not to give him candy. If you see him, please call 1800-555-5555555555.

2008-02-28T18:05:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the delay,(cause some people were too busy opening their angbaos) but the results for your favourite CNY goodie is finally out!

Bak kwa has won with 100% of the votes, leaving all the other goodies for behind.
(Total number of votes: 1)
If you want to eat more of bak kwa even though CNY has passed, feel free to buy them from any bak kwa seller at half price - they are sure to have a lot left.

2008-02-26T22:13:00.002+08:00

A violent earthquake hit SML Land today. This quake, measuring 10.5, is said to be centred at the SML Square. However, the 100m tall flag pole bearing the SML Flag was not shaken. The flag did not even sway. However, a few buildings surrounding the SML Square were badly damaged and had to be blasted down to prevent accidents from happening.

The damaged buildings include:
1) Penguin JC toilet block
2) SML Jail Block (the one holding FCC)
3) SML Airport control station #100
4) SML Zoo block that hold the cocroaches for display
5) SML Beach sand castles

Also, a tsunami was triggered by the earthquake. However, the waves measuring 100m in height were frozen by a gust of icy wind from the North, thus it did not cause any serious damage except flooding the whole underground subway system.

A damage report indicated that a total of 234 buildings were damaged throughout the disaster. FCC is reported missing and presumed buried alive by rubble of the Penjuin JC toilet block. 1000000000 roaches were also reported missing from the SML Zoo and are presumed to be some where in SML Land. SML residents are adviced to capture the roaches and return them back to SML Zoo.

Currently, emergency repair workers are working on the SML Beach 24/7 to rebuild and repair the sand castles for the World Sand Castle Destroying Competition that is going to be held next month.

2008-02-25T21:56:00.006+08:00

AngPao 2008

SML Land

Due to the improvement in economy yesterday in SML Land, the SML government JAP(Jaguar Action Party) has come up with the AngPao 2008 project. In this project, all residents og SML Land, be it the poor, rich, not poor not rich; clever, stupid, not clever not stupid; lame, not lame, not lame but not not lame; enthu, wet-blankets, not enthu but not AP; young, old, not young not old... ... will all be receiving AngPaos from the JAP government. However, the amount given to each person will differ, depending on how much the person has contributed to the economy of SML Land.

For example, the lame, enthu people will receive more money as compared to the not lame and AP type of people. Clever people and stupid people will receive more money that the not clever and not stupid type of people. The age of the person will not affect how much he will receive.

SML reporters found out from the residents that most were very happy with project AngPao 2008. An old aunty named OlAnTee told us :"I very happy... .. i received SML$1000000000000000000 from the government leh. Now i can go buy what ever i want to buy now."

Another person, Mr EnthuKia told us :" Because I am very enthu, the government has awarded me with SML$100000000000000000000, this money has spurred me to be more enthu. Long Live JAP!!!!!"

However, there were some that were unhappy with this project. A person named Mr UnAnnToo told us :" The government not fair de, I only vandalise public property ma, and i not very enthu de. Some more I never break the law the, I just smoke in air-con room, bus, train, ship, and plane only ma. And I just go rob bank once or twice only. The the goverment never give me a nice AngPao. They just give me a SML$-1000000000000000000000000000 AngPao. This is not enough, the number is so small!!! I dun like the government!!!"

However, what ever you may think of the government for launching project AngPao 2008, most of you will be happy with what you have received form the government.

2008-02-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

SML Times is recruiting!!!!!!

-If you are anywhere between the age of 1 to 100.
-and if you are lame
-and sian at the same time
-and want to crap
-and want to be disappointed

Just grap four other friends and sign up.

We advise you to work in groups of five when interviewing people, and here is the reason:
-one person to hold the mic
-one person hold the camera
-one person hold the note pad
-one person to hold a pen to write
-one person to ask questions

If you are interested, just call our unfriendly staff at 1800-SML-913913

2008-02-23T22:54:00.002+08:00

A group of students were seen making paper stars in Penguin JC yesterday. If is found out that this group of students actually belonged to a secret wildlife conservation club called the CEO (Conserve Earth Organisation). They were making stars to give to people so that they will be more aware of the presences of sponges in the Earth's sea and help protect them.

"Patrick the Starfish is a good friend of SpongeBob, thus by making stars, we hope that people will become more aware of sponges." a student told our reporters," we will also give dried sponges to the people we give the stars to."

However, the principal of penguin JC has told our reporters that people should not listen to these students. They should not support the senseless killing of sponges because it will result in a shortage of sponges. A shortage of sponges will cause a rise in price of sponge, thus a drop in quantity demanded for sponges. This will in turn cause a rise in demand for toy sponges which can be a substitude for sponges.

However, he did not state why he opposed the rise in demand for toy sponge. Thus, our reporter rate his reason as unreliable. Anyway, SML Times hope you will help in conserving nature for no apparent reason.

2008-02-19T21:18:00.002+08:00

Large groups of students dressed in a variety of uniforms were seen migrating from one JC to another JC in SML Land today. Even though it was officially a school day, the students did not seem to care. According to SML Experts say this action of openly escaping lesson is called 'PONNING".

But why have so many people chosen to 'pon'? When our reporters approached the students, they told us that they have ponned because they have just received their JAE (Jaguar Action Exercise) results. Some of them were not satisfied with their results and wanted to appeal to the JC of their choice.

However, there are people with other stories. Some students have ponned simply because they were not going to stay in the JC they were currently in, so it does not matter if they stay or not. Also, some have ponned JC because they were not aiming to go to the JC at all. They have instead put down polytechnies for their first eleven choices and a JC for their last choice. In the end they made it to the JC.

However, what ever your results for the JAE maybe, please remember... ... Penguin JC will always welcome you, if you become sick and tired of you current JC, please, come Penguin JC.

2008-02-16T22:11:00.002+08:00

Here is 5 tips if you want to fight a war, battle, fight etc etc... ...
1) Strike first
2) Strike hard
3) Strike fast
4) Strike often
5) Make sure you dun miss

How meaningful.... ....

2008-02-15T16:18:00.005+08:00

Can you make it to Penguin Junior College? (or your dream JC?)

Hope you can! Happy Chinese New Year!

2008-02-13T22:03:00.002+08:00

Anti eating Vege Campaign

Humans have been eating vegetables for a very long time. They have even attacked vegetables openly by becoming vegetarians and eat only vegetables. What they do not realise is that the vegetables also have life. Just because they keep silent does not mean they feel no pain! They can feel pain too, just like the animals. Thus an anti eating vege campaign will be held to protest about people killing the vegetable. You either join campaign because you believe that eating meat and vegetable will cause pain to those you eat and start eating non-organic food, or you eat your meat and vegetable and forget their pain.

2008-02-11T21:59:00.000+08:00

SML Times offer one minute of silence for the deceased Singapore Zoo Icon, Ah Meng.
-----silence please-----

2008-02-10T20:32:00.002+08:00

Scientists in SML Land have discovered 2 new species of flowers!

The first flower is named forget-me-forever. A single whiff from this flower will make you forget everything that happened from the past 1 hour! Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to record the scent of this flower as they kept forgetting after they smelled it. (This is also why it took years before they finaly realised they had discovered a new flower.)

The 2nd species is knock-me-out a.k.a the Hammer. The sap produced by this flower evaporates quickly, causing a big headache to anyone who inhales it. Long term exposure can lead to a coma.

Anyone who wants to order these new flowers can contact the SML Lab or pick them in the forest across the river that surrounds SML Land. (which illegal immigrants regularly swim across) Just make sure you bring a gas mask and an oxygen tank.

2008-02-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

A strange phenomena was observed happening in SML Land today. Both involved people singing.

The first was seen when a group of people exited from Charlie's home. A SHORT girl in the group began to sing some weird song madly, den another slightly not so short, but a lot wider girl started to sing with her. This duo were observed to sing when they were crossing an overhead bridge too. It is theorized that they thought they were world infamous pop stars and they were holding a concert.

The second happened along a very long walk way. A group of people, lead bu two person called LaoAnTea and LaoUnKou were seen (and heard) leading the group singing a song. The lyrics is as follow:

One dollar, one dollar.
Hello one dollar.
Aunty, uncle, xiao di, xiao mei,
Bang1 wo2 mai3 tissue paper,
Hao3 Ma1???

chorus:
Tissue paper one dollar,
tissue paper one dollar.

One dollar, one dollar.
Bye bye one dollar.
Aunty, uncle, xiao di, xiao mei.
All buy my tissue paper le.
Thank You!!

*chorus*

One dollar, one dollar.
I earned one dollar.
Now can go buy,
More tissue paper to sell.

*chorus*

Police are still investigating how this phenomena has happened. However, scientists say that the singing may be harmful to the public as the noise may cause people to be distracted and waste bang into a wall. The public is advised to stay away form the two girls who think they are infamous pop stars.

VDAY

2008-02-09T20:51:00.000+08:00

VDAY is coming!! No idea what to get for ur TRUE/fake Love?
have no fear, SML times is here..take a look at our suggestions for the PERFECT/MOST USEFUL GIFT!!!

1)99%cocoa chocolate---for weirdos who like bitter chocs more than sweet chocs
2)white chrysanthemum---perfect for girls who love chrysanthemum tea and the colour white!!!
3)a hard toy---yes yes, girls DO get sick of SOFT toys....newest fashion...BUY HARD TOYS
4)A candle--- "hey, bring ur own candle for our next candle-lit dinner =D"
5)a vase---for all the roses u gave the previous years =D
6) water!!---to put inside the vase
7) slimming pils---most useful gift u can ever get for a girl who has many admirers giving her chocs
8)cardboard box---very useful too, to put all those other gifts into...

interested buyers can order now at SML frontdesk...buyers can also stand a chance to win a pair of free tickets to jack niao's new film!!

2008-02-08T22:46:00.000+08:00

As you gather with your family to have a peaceful and happy reunion dinner, have you ever thought how this was possible? SML Times takes you on a journey to expose the unsung heroes who keep SML Land safe and working.

Peace Keeping

SML Armed Force (SMLAF)
This is a 24/7/365 force that keeps SML Land safe from foreign invasions. The soldiers work hard day and night, to deter any foes from taking our happiness. The SML Armed force have took part in the many wars organised to defeat several of the major foes that haunted SML Land, such as the evil SML that carried a demonic baby who attacked SML Land more that 2 years ago. The SMLAF has worked with numerous groups including the RaVe Association of Teachers (RAT), Extreme Ghoust Busters (EGB) and the Yifan in fighting off the Demonic baby.

SML Rangers (SMLR)
This group has been put up last year around september (or at least i tink is Sep). They have fought all sorts of foes, such the MojojojoAce and the Fashion Candy Cane (FCC). Five rangers were almost killed when they were trapped in FCC's molten candy. But eventually, they got free and defeated FCC with the help of SML Ninja and SML Samurai.

SML Ninja and Samurai
This two heros were introduced after FCC's attack last december. They played a crucial role in the defeat and the peace keeping. Also, if it was not for them, SML Land could never have been able to celebrate a Happy New Year on 1st January this year.

RaVe Association of Teachers (RAT)
This group of people included Charlie, OLY, KGL, EEK, LOOK, CTC, Bose and several other teachers, who have help fight against the Demonic Baby two years ago. They have also played a crucial role in nuturing the SML Reporters and teaching them how to write proper newspaper articles. If it was not for them, SML Times won't have been created. (really it wun be created, cos if no teacher, will not have sian ppl to come up with SML Times)

SMLock Holmes
A famous detective who dedicated his life in solving crime and mystries that happen in SML Land. The most recentwas to find out the real identity of SHIM, who happen to be an alien from outer space whom decided to migrate to SML Land.

SML Jail
This is the top security jail which houses many of the criminals that had once endangered the peace of SML Land, including FCC and Fashion Chocolate Cane (FChoc).

Economy and Society

SML Bank
Yes it has been recently robbed by Charlie, but this bank is still one of the most highly secured bank in the world and SML Land residents can store their money in the bank in peace. The Bank has also come up with the special Atm machines which deter robbers and the special Atm card which allow you to withdraw unlimited amount of money.

SML Temple
This temple offers to help you create lucky amulets which help you to add at least two points to your L1R5.

Penguin JC
This school has nutured many of the top students that now work and contribute to the economy and society of SML Land.

SML SuperMarket
This is the plae where you can find anything you need. Items sold include food, water, more food, more water, money, toilet bowl, cards, toys, and many many many more. You name it, this place sell it.

SML Transport Authorities (SMLTA)
This organisation contros all the taxies, buses, trains, planes, ships, rockets, space ships, wooden rafts, rubber tyres that people use to move around, into and out of SML Land. It is this organisation that allow you to unite with your family for this Lunar New Year.

Illegal Imigrant Office (IIO)
This office allow illegal imigrants to legalise themselves so that the can stay in SML Land when they cross over.

SML Library
This library is filled with all the books found in the world. It has at least two copy of a certain book, even if the book has only one copy in the world.

SML Printing Press (SPP)
Ever wonder wher you get your newspapers, magazines, books, toilet paper and breakfast from? This is the place.

Last but not least... ...

SML Times Reporters
These reporters have worked hard and used much brain juice to write all this articles for you to read. Several have since left after the disbanding of 2J05, but more have joined. Notable figures include God Swim Water Work Bird, Meow Mask Ranger, Jaguar Warrior, King kong cum FingerSmith, God Goat, Gorilla Banana and more.

Anyway, SML Times wishes all a Merry Chinese New Year:))))))))

There are more departments, but i forgot who le... ... but i will try my best to remember.

2008-02-07T22:53:00.002+08:00

SML Times is carrying out a vote on our readers' favourite Chinese New Year goodie! The candidates are presented below:

Bak kwa (pieces of unhealthy BBQ pork that make you fat)
Pineapple tarts (that also make you fat)
Yu Sheng (which people mix their saliva into using chopsticks)
Steamboat (not the one invented by...whoever-he-is)
Love letters (not those written for Valentine's Day - the fried ones)

Please call or SMS Jaguar Warrior to cast your votes.* Alternatively, you may leave your votes in the cbox on the left side of the page. (This won't cost a single cent.)

*Each call/SMS costs SML$888888888888888888888.

2008-02-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

A man was seen throwing money out of his window today. Experts estimate he threw about SML$88888888888888888888888 x 888888888888888888888. This man, who wish to be known as Charlie, was interviewed by SML Times reporter today.

'I recently bought 888888888888888888888 AngPaos to give my students when they visite me during Chinese New Year (CNY). However, when i decided to put money into the AngPaos, i found SML$88888888888888888888888 in each of them. I did not need this money, so I threw them away,' Charlie told our reporters.

If you wish to pick up some of the thrown cash, do visite Charlie's void deck soon before all the money is taken away.

Anyway, SML Times wish all reporters a Happy Chinese New Year:)))))))))

2008-02-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

There have been two seperate cases of robbery committed today in SML Land.

The first robbery happened at SML Bank, where 888888888888888888888 AngPaos containing SML$88888888888888888888888 each were stolen by a man armed with an axe. The man was wearing a scouts uniform, with the words CHARLIE printed at the back. He took the AngPaos and ran into a waiting get away gorilla. There have been no clue to where he has escaped to. Cleaners have been hired to sweep away a trail of gorilla hair the lead all the way to where CHARLIE has went to.

It is understood that the AngPaos were orginally for the ChaiShenYe, who will be distributing the AngBaos to the residents of SML Land. However, they are lost now.

The second case happened at the SML Supermarket, where 888888888888888888 oranges were stolen from the orange trees for sale in the supermarket. This time, the robber was a girl named MONICA, who was armed with a hand to touch people. She also used the hand to pluck the oranges. However, the fresh and good quialty oranges for sale beside the trees were untouched. Again, there was no lead for the police. Cleaners were agained hired to rub off the orange juice splashed onto the ground, which lead all the way to MONICA's home.

The orange trees for sale were orginally to be sold so that the buyers can pluck off the oranges.

"These robbers so bo liao. Rob the shops le still muz leave the trails for me to clean," a cleaner who has been hired to clean both crime scenes told our reporters.

SML Police spokesman told our reporters that they have not got a single clue to why the AngPaos and Oranges were stolen. However, a possible situation is that the AngPaos and oranges were taken so that CHARLIE can give them to his students who will be visiting him during Chinese New Year.